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Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace
Marriage is a profound and marvelous mystery established by God for his glory-and that is for our good. So many marital relationships never reach their greatest potential because they have the fatal limitation of being focused on one another. When our focus is solely on God, our marriages have the potential to thrive and not merely survive .
176 pages, Paperback
First published April 7, 2006
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November 6, 2011
A fairly solid book on marriage from a biblical perspective. The Ricuccis walk through the biblical roles of husbands and wives, set out the benefits of good communication (and some common pitfalls), and offer practical advice for injecting romance into your relationship and improving your sex life (the two are connected by not necessarily synonymous). There wasn't much here that was terribly earth-shattering for me, though of course some of this stuff will be new to many readers. But if you've sat under biblical teaching in a good church for any length of time, you are likely familiar with the bulk of the material in this book.
Which is not to say that the book is unnecessary. Loads of Christian couples struggle with gender roles, good communication, and physical intimacy. Even those who "know" the truths in this book still need the reminder to apply them.
Though billed as a guide for married and engaged couples, this book would probably be more helpful for couples who are already married (rather than those who are merely engaged to be so). Some of the "assignments" are inappropriate for couples who are not yet married (and not just the sex ones, either--some of the communication and gender role stuff needs to be reserved for marriage). There are (and should be) limits on communication outside of marriage, and submission and loving leadership look markedly different before and after the wedding.
While I am admittedly ignorant and inexperienced (never having been married myself), I was quite discouraged by the wives' section of the chapter on sexual intimacy. The authors seemed to devote the bulk of the section to encouraging wives to try to enjoy sex even though it often seems like a chore--to be willing to be intimate even though you don't want to or aren't in the mood. There were a few nods to wives who might wish for a more active sex life (though I don't recall anything in the husbands' section encouraging them to serve their wives by being intimate even when they (the men) aren't in the mood), but the dominant perspective was clearly "We know you don't want to, but trust us, you should." How sad!
I mean, yes, I realize this is the stereotype--a perpetually horny husband and an exhausted/disinterested wife--and like all stereotypes it has some basis in reality. But presenting it as the norm for married women makes it seem like it is some how inevitable, that all wives lose interest in sex over time. Granted, the authors acknowledge that sometimes this disinterest is connected to the husband's failure to serve his wife well, opting to pursue only his own sexual gratification with no regard for her needs. But overall, the book seems to take it for granted that wives by and large have little interest in sex and have to be talked into giving it a shot.
Of course, this book was written to help fix a problem--unhealthy marriages--so it's not terribly surprising that the authors focus on common problems that occur in that context. They want to encourage those who are struggling, and ignoring the reality of wives too tired or distracted to desire sex serves no one. They want to offer hope to all, even those for whom sex is just another duty. But as someone who is not yet married, the bottom line seems to be "enjoy being a newlywed, because in no time flat, you will be afflicted with 'headaches' 5 nights a week or more." And that's incredibly sad, and ultimately not what God designed marriage to look like.
Still, the Ricuccis offer sound biblical advice and counsel for those seeking to rectify unhealthy marriages. Most importantly, they base the entirety of their approach on the gospel. When you start and end with the gospel, it's hard to go wrong.
Which is not to say that the book is unnecessary. Loads of Christian couples struggle with gender roles, good communication, and physical intimacy. Even those who "know" the truths in this book still need the reminder to apply them.
Though billed as a guide for married and engaged couples, this book would probably be more helpful for couples who are already married (rather than those who are merely engaged to be so). Some of the "assignments" are inappropriate for couples who are not yet married (and not just the sex ones, either--some of the communication and gender role stuff needs to be reserved for marriage). There are (and should be) limits on communication outside of marriage, and submission and loving leadership look markedly different before and after the wedding.
While I am admittedly ignorant and inexperienced (never having been married myself), I was quite discouraged by the wives' section of the chapter on sexual intimacy. The authors seemed to devote the bulk of the section to encouraging wives to try to enjoy sex even though it often seems like a chore--to be willing to be intimate even though you don't want to or aren't in the mood. There were a few nods to wives who might wish for a more active sex life (though I don't recall anything in the husbands' section encouraging them to serve their wives by being intimate even when they (the men) aren't in the mood), but the dominant perspective was clearly "We know you don't want to, but trust us, you should." How sad!
I mean, yes, I realize this is the stereotype--a perpetually horny husband and an exhausted/disinterested wife--and like all stereotypes it has some basis in reality. But presenting it as the norm for married women makes it seem like it is some how inevitable, that all wives lose interest in sex over time. Granted, the authors acknowledge that sometimes this disinterest is connected to the husband's failure to serve his wife well, opting to pursue only his own sexual gratification with no regard for her needs. But overall, the book seems to take it for granted that wives by and large have little interest in sex and have to be talked into giving it a shot.
Of course, this book was written to help fix a problem--unhealthy marriages--so it's not terribly surprising that the authors focus on common problems that occur in that context. They want to encourage those who are struggling, and ignoring the reality of wives too tired or distracted to desire sex serves no one. They want to offer hope to all, even those for whom sex is just another duty. But as someone who is not yet married, the bottom line seems to be "enjoy being a newlywed, because in no time flat, you will be afflicted with 'headaches' 5 nights a week or more." And that's incredibly sad, and ultimately not what God designed marriage to look like.
Still, the Ricuccis offer sound biblical advice and counsel for those seeking to rectify unhealthy marriages. Most importantly, they base the entirety of their approach on the gospel. When you start and end with the gospel, it's hard to go wrong.
December 21, 2010
Most books I've read by Christian authors on love, romance and marriage fall into one of two categories. There are those books that are heavy on psychoanalysis with a dozen warm and fuzzy illustrations to get the few common sense points across. Unfortunately, these rely more on the illustrations than on Scriptural support, if any. These books are usually easy and perhaps quite fun to read, but in the end don't tell you anything you already didn't know or leave you wondering if its advice has any foundation in the Bible. The second category of marriage books goes to the other extreme of turning the book into a theological dissertation that leaves the reader finishing the book and wondering what the author said. The idiom "too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good" aptly describes these tomes.
Call me cynical, but when "Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace" by Gary and Betsy Ricucci was recommended to my Bible study group, I didn't have my expectations too high in what the book would have to say. I definitely wanted something different, something that didn't fall into the above mentioned categories, but didn't expect it. As soon as we started reading the book, however, I knew that this book was indeed different. The further we got into the book, the more this fact was solidified. Right from the start, it was evident that, while there were certainly plenty of illustrations, the bulk of the book was solidly based on Scripture, but not in a way that made it read like a theological treatise. As author Jerry Bridges puts it in his recommendation on the back of the book, "Love That Lasts is thoroughly biblical, very practical, and quite convicting." There is one small note worth mentioning in the preface. The authors point out that this book is actually an updated edition of an earlier 1992 printing. The original subtitle was "Making a Magnificent Marriage," which as the authors point out was "certainly a worthwhile goal, [but] seemed to put the emphasis on human effort, for human ends. The new subtitle, `When Marriage Meets Grace,' reminds us that it is God and his glorious power revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ that are the beginning, the means, and the goal of marriage." This change in subtitles points the direction in which the authors are headed and right from the start reveals that this book was indeed different.
The Ricuccis start off by asking some very good questions in how a marriage is defined Biblically. The importance of laying this groundwork is essential in what would follow in the rest of the book. Without this basis, the rest of the book and the teaching of God's grace in marriage goes out the window. Questions such as "Does your marriage find its purpose primarily in God?" and "Does your marriage find its hope in the gospel of grace?" immediately puts marriage in light of the gospel. While this may sound similar to what other theological marriage books say, the difference is that the Ricuccis don't stop at talking about the nebulous and abstract ideas, but take it right down to where the rubber meets the road. For example, consider the following points made in discussing the second question:
-"Because of the gospel, Christians have become new creations (2 Cor. 5:17). Therefore, in our marriage, our past does not define us, confine us, or determine our future."
-"Because of the gospel, we are accepted by God (Romans 15:7). Therefore we are not dependent on a spouse for who we are or what we need."
-"Because of the gospel, we have hope (Romans 5:1-4). Therefore we can endure any marital difficulty, hardship or suffering with the assurance that God is working all to our greatest good (Romans 8:28)"
Each of these points brings the gospel into everyday life and shows how it should affect a marriage. They conclude this section by saying "Nothing is more essential to a marriage, and nothing brings more hope, than applying the gospel of Jesus Christ." With these words, the authors are ready to launch into other areas of marriage more commonly thought of when marriage books are considered.
Gary and Betsy each write a chapter directly to either husbands or wives regarding the roles that each bring to a God-honoring marriage. Gary talks about the responsibility of the husband to lead and love his wife in the same manner that Christ leads and loves the church. Here they both do an excellent job of pointing out that while there are differences in roles, these differences in no way imply superiority or inferiority on either the husband's or the wife's part. This distinction is made while at the same time affirming the biblical concept of leadership on the husband's part and submission on the wife's part. You'll have to read the book yourself to discover just how they do this!
Three chapters are devoted to the ever-important subject of communication, including what the goal of our communication in marriage should be (intimacy), how husbands and wives communicate differently, what hindrances there can be in developing intimacy, and how to restore intimacy in times of conflict. All of these are wrapped firmly in the cloak of the gospel and how it applies to what our marriages look like. Expect these three chapters to be convicting and to get your toes stepped on!
The last two chapters cover the parts that I'm sure many people turn to first - romance and sex. (I admit it, I skimmed these sections first!) Here, too, the authors bring the topic right back to how our marriage is to be built on Christ, reminding us that God "isn't just interested in love. He is love (1 John 4:16)." After discussing the "why" of romance, the authors offer some very practical suggestions for the "how" of romance, such as being creative, giving little gestures, and offering spontaneous surprises, having date nights or weekend getaways, and many others. The chapter on sex is candid and includes a section for husbands and a section for wives, both discussing the importance of communication and frank openness that can lead to greater sexual intimacy. As with all the other chapters, this chapter ends by asking "In what area must I improve? Where do I need to grow in order to serve my spouse more effectively..."
What we found especially helpful was the included study guide at the end of the book. Most study guides simply point you to the chapter to find the answer printed somewhere in the text and doesn't take much thought. These questions, however, while pointing back to the chapters, are more pointed and designed for some serious discussion on how the reader views such and such an issue, or what views the reader had that might agree or disagree with the authors and why. Again, these questions aren't ones that can be simply answered then forgotten in order to move on to the next one. Questions such as "Ask your wife or fiancée if any person, activity or possession, at any time, seems more important to you than her," while they may be difficult to ask and even harder to answer, are designed to put into action what the authors write about.
A key point made near the end of the book summarizes the point Love That Lasts is trying to make: "God's ultimate purpose for romance is the same as his purpose for marriage: to bring himself glory, to bring us blessing, and to demonstrate the remarkable relationship between Christ and the church." The Ricuccis write in such a way as to make it crystal clear that their goal was not to simply help people have better marriages, but to have marriages that reflected God and the church. And instead of coming across as either being a psychologist or by being preachy, they write as if they were an older couple mentoring a younger couple, complete with their own flaws readily acknowledged, but ready to help you and your spouse to keep growing in your relationship with each other.
Call me cynical, but when "Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace" by Gary and Betsy Ricucci was recommended to my Bible study group, I didn't have my expectations too high in what the book would have to say. I definitely wanted something different, something that didn't fall into the above mentioned categories, but didn't expect it. As soon as we started reading the book, however, I knew that this book was indeed different. The further we got into the book, the more this fact was solidified. Right from the start, it was evident that, while there were certainly plenty of illustrations, the bulk of the book was solidly based on Scripture, but not in a way that made it read like a theological treatise. As author Jerry Bridges puts it in his recommendation on the back of the book, "Love That Lasts is thoroughly biblical, very practical, and quite convicting." There is one small note worth mentioning in the preface. The authors point out that this book is actually an updated edition of an earlier 1992 printing. The original subtitle was "Making a Magnificent Marriage," which as the authors point out was "certainly a worthwhile goal, [but] seemed to put the emphasis on human effort, for human ends. The new subtitle, `When Marriage Meets Grace,' reminds us that it is God and his glorious power revealed in the gospel of Jesus Christ that are the beginning, the means, and the goal of marriage." This change in subtitles points the direction in which the authors are headed and right from the start reveals that this book was indeed different.
The Ricuccis start off by asking some very good questions in how a marriage is defined Biblically. The importance of laying this groundwork is essential in what would follow in the rest of the book. Without this basis, the rest of the book and the teaching of God's grace in marriage goes out the window. Questions such as "Does your marriage find its purpose primarily in God?" and "Does your marriage find its hope in the gospel of grace?" immediately puts marriage in light of the gospel. While this may sound similar to what other theological marriage books say, the difference is that the Ricuccis don't stop at talking about the nebulous and abstract ideas, but take it right down to where the rubber meets the road. For example, consider the following points made in discussing the second question:
-"Because of the gospel, Christians have become new creations (2 Cor. 5:17). Therefore, in our marriage, our past does not define us, confine us, or determine our future."
-"Because of the gospel, we are accepted by God (Romans 15:7). Therefore we are not dependent on a spouse for who we are or what we need."
-"Because of the gospel, we have hope (Romans 5:1-4). Therefore we can endure any marital difficulty, hardship or suffering with the assurance that God is working all to our greatest good (Romans 8:28)"
Each of these points brings the gospel into everyday life and shows how it should affect a marriage. They conclude this section by saying "Nothing is more essential to a marriage, and nothing brings more hope, than applying the gospel of Jesus Christ." With these words, the authors are ready to launch into other areas of marriage more commonly thought of when marriage books are considered.
Gary and Betsy each write a chapter directly to either husbands or wives regarding the roles that each bring to a God-honoring marriage. Gary talks about the responsibility of the husband to lead and love his wife in the same manner that Christ leads and loves the church. Here they both do an excellent job of pointing out that while there are differences in roles, these differences in no way imply superiority or inferiority on either the husband's or the wife's part. This distinction is made while at the same time affirming the biblical concept of leadership on the husband's part and submission on the wife's part. You'll have to read the book yourself to discover just how they do this!
Three chapters are devoted to the ever-important subject of communication, including what the goal of our communication in marriage should be (intimacy), how husbands and wives communicate differently, what hindrances there can be in developing intimacy, and how to restore intimacy in times of conflict. All of these are wrapped firmly in the cloak of the gospel and how it applies to what our marriages look like. Expect these three chapters to be convicting and to get your toes stepped on!
The last two chapters cover the parts that I'm sure many people turn to first - romance and sex. (I admit it, I skimmed these sections first!) Here, too, the authors bring the topic right back to how our marriage is to be built on Christ, reminding us that God "isn't just interested in love. He is love (1 John 4:16)." After discussing the "why" of romance, the authors offer some very practical suggestions for the "how" of romance, such as being creative, giving little gestures, and offering spontaneous surprises, having date nights or weekend getaways, and many others. The chapter on sex is candid and includes a section for husbands and a section for wives, both discussing the importance of communication and frank openness that can lead to greater sexual intimacy. As with all the other chapters, this chapter ends by asking "In what area must I improve? Where do I need to grow in order to serve my spouse more effectively..."
What we found especially helpful was the included study guide at the end of the book. Most study guides simply point you to the chapter to find the answer printed somewhere in the text and doesn't take much thought. These questions, however, while pointing back to the chapters, are more pointed and designed for some serious discussion on how the reader views such and such an issue, or what views the reader had that might agree or disagree with the authors and why. Again, these questions aren't ones that can be simply answered then forgotten in order to move on to the next one. Questions such as "Ask your wife or fiancée if any person, activity or possession, at any time, seems more important to you than her," while they may be difficult to ask and even harder to answer, are designed to put into action what the authors write about.
A key point made near the end of the book summarizes the point Love That Lasts is trying to make: "God's ultimate purpose for romance is the same as his purpose for marriage: to bring himself glory, to bring us blessing, and to demonstrate the remarkable relationship between Christ and the church." The Ricuccis write in such a way as to make it crystal clear that their goal was not to simply help people have better marriages, but to have marriages that reflected God and the church. And instead of coming across as either being a psychologist or by being preachy, they write as if they were an older couple mentoring a younger couple, complete with their own flaws readily acknowledged, but ready to help you and your spouse to keep growing in your relationship with each other.
April 22, 2009
Reading for engagement class. This book is excellent. I found the chapters on roles very helpful. My natural reaction to some of the words used for feminine roles is rebellion. I found how they explained and discussed these areas encouraging and enlightening.
I'm particularly engaged by the chapters on communication. Why communicate; the various levels and types of communication and the overall driving purpose of communication. Amidst all of God's high order for what marriage is meant to be, there is abundant power from the Holy Spirit and grace to fill where we fail.
I would recommend this book to everyone! It has so much good stuff to think about individually, to talk about with your spouse, etc. It has discussion questions and reading for further study and it covers most major starting points for marriage as well as pointing the direction for the things it doesn't cover. Even if you are not married it gives great things to think about in how you relate to people in preparation for marriage.
I'm particularly engaged by the chapters on communication. Why communicate; the various levels and types of communication and the overall driving purpose of communication. Amidst all of God's high order for what marriage is meant to be, there is abundant power from the Holy Spirit and grace to fill where we fail.
I would recommend this book to everyone! It has so much good stuff to think about individually, to talk about with your spouse, etc. It has discussion questions and reading for further study and it covers most major starting points for marriage as well as pointing the direction for the things it doesn't cover. Even if you are not married it gives great things to think about in how you relate to people in preparation for marriage.
April 19, 2021
This is a very good, gospel-centered book on marriage. There is much practical value in the book as well, not merely theoretical.
November 6, 2023
The book overall is meh. It doesn’t offer anything particularly profound or different than a lot of other Christian books on marriage. It has somewhat fundamentalist/patriarchal views in women and marriage-especially where physical intimacy is concerned, which also happens to be where I have the strongest disagreement. It comes across too much like “good wives for this and that” and less focused on grace and living with each other in a spirit of humility and unity.
It has 6 pages written to men about their wife’s sexuality but 7 for the wives about their husband. Two of the more ridiculous subheadings in the “wives” section is “she is available” and “she is attractive”. Here’s my biggest disagreements with this two sections and why.
On page 147 she wrote “Ladies, when your husband initiates lovemaking, what’s on the line is nothing less than his heart, his leadership, and his perception of your respect for him.” Perhaps this is the case for some men. But not all. Unfortunately, I’ve met way too many couples where men have brought serious porn addictions and struggles into their marriage and have turned physical intimacy into a platform for abuse, tyranny, and sexual servitude. This is kind of “advice” to wives is dangerous. If she’s not “feeling in the mood” it would more advisable to encourage her to tune into that emotion and be curious. Is it physical because she’s tired or is there a deeper emotional disconnect that requires further investigation? Maybe it’s a one off thing. But if it’s a perpetual problem it needs to be addressed and taken seriously.
On page 149 she writes: “Women often pay less attention to their appearance after they get married. Yet our appearance is more important than ever. Most of our husbands work in an environment where they are surrounded by women striving to look attractive. We need to look attractive when they leave for work and they they come home.” I’m sorry but what the actual what?! There’s so many things wrong with this thought that I barely know where to begin. First of all, wives are not responsible for competing with the women of the world. That is an unhealthy and unreasonable expectation. Her job is to glorify the Lord- not get caught up in striving to keep her husband’s attention from the women he may work with or the women of the world. Second, it is not a wife’s job to keep her husband from sinning. It’s his responsibility to not sin against his wife or other women by engaging in lusting thoughts and actions. He’s responsible for managing his temptations (however and whenever they happen) not his wife’s. Thirdly, I don’t know where the author gets her facts from about women often stop paying attention to their attractiveness but that cuts both ways. More often than not my husband is less careful about his appearance at home than I am. It’s an unfair and not factually correct statement to say women are more prone to give up or look like slobs or whatever “not being attractive” is. I can’t think of a more ambiguous way of defining attractiveness. But whatever. There’s season in life and it’s ok to tell men to live with their wives in an understanding manner, especially if she’s at home with little children all day. Fourth, there is absolutely ZERO biblical evidence that supports the call to tell women to look or dress a certain way other than to not get caught up in it. Love for the Lord is way more important than maintain an attractive appearance. Its a vain and shallow and biblically-shaky imperative to place upon women.
On page 147 she also writes to wives about what they can do if their husband doesn’t respond to any sexual advances. I wonder why they didn’t include that same advice to the husbands? It feels a lot like it goes back to the old attitude that women are duty bound to keep their husbands from temptation and sin but the husbands are not held to the same standard of sexual integrity towards their wives. Every Christian has been given a way out of temptation (I Corinthians 10:13). Getting married does not suddenly make a wife the way for men to overcome sexual sin. It’s unscriptural and does a disservice to both men and women and marriage relationship.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 23, 2021
A very practical book.
November 6, 2021
Excellent. I’ll be going back to this again and again.
May 3, 2022
Nothing profound, and a few weak chapters. There are better books on the subject.
December 28, 2011
This book is (to the best of my premarried knowledge) a good resource for building a God-honoring marriage. The book covers three topics. The first three chapters discuss God’s design and gender roles in marriage; the next three deal with communication and conflict; the last two are about romance and sex.
A Gospel-emphasis is evident in the instructions in this book. The authors often connect love, communication, forgiveness, and trust to the cross of Jesus. The largest part of the book was on communication - what it should do, what it should contain, and how to fix it when it’s broken. Another helpful emphasis was on personal walk with the Lord: if that’s broken, the marriage will suffer.
Some parts of the book were unusual. Betsy’s chapter on the wife’s role does not begin with the obvious biblical instruction (submission), but starts with wisdom and eventually works its way through love and respect before arriving at submission. Her part of the chapter on sex is almost exclusively instruction for the wife to do what her husband wants in the bedroom (I understand I Cor. 7), but I don’t recall either author emphasizing the need to be sensitive to inhibitions, especially those that could be caused by abuse or past sin.
A Gospel-emphasis is evident in the instructions in this book. The authors often connect love, communication, forgiveness, and trust to the cross of Jesus. The largest part of the book was on communication - what it should do, what it should contain, and how to fix it when it’s broken. Another helpful emphasis was on personal walk with the Lord: if that’s broken, the marriage will suffer.
Some parts of the book were unusual. Betsy’s chapter on the wife’s role does not begin with the obvious biblical instruction (submission), but starts with wisdom and eventually works its way through love and respect before arriving at submission. Her part of the chapter on sex is almost exclusively instruction for the wife to do what her husband wants in the bedroom (I understand I Cor. 7), but I don’t recall either author emphasizing the need to be sensitive to inhibitions, especially those that could be caused by abuse or past sin.
April 21, 2024
This book was beautiful! So well written: it teemed with humility and grace as well as truth, warning, and instruction. It was as theological and instructive as it was practical and easy to apply to one's own life. The authors (a husband and wife) spoke both from personal experience and their experience from their many years of counseling other engaged and married couples.
Even if you are not married, I would say this is a great book for those who are in serious relationships, engaged, or (obviously!), married. There's much to gain here in being made aware of the realities of marriage, dispelling the lies surrounding it, and grounding us back in the truth of what marriage is about and what is needed to make one flourish and LAST. (Hint: It won't be what culture says!)
I believe leaning into and meditating on these truths even before your wedding day will help you go in with healthier expectations and "eyes wide open."
I add to my "finished books" shelf one that is well worn and very marked up! I pray the Lord continues to instill these truths into my being and that, when needed, I may not forget to pull this book off my shelves and revisit it again and again.
Even if you are not married, I would say this is a great book for those who are in serious relationships, engaged, or (obviously!), married. There's much to gain here in being made aware of the realities of marriage, dispelling the lies surrounding it, and grounding us back in the truth of what marriage is about and what is needed to make one flourish and LAST. (Hint: It won't be what culture says!)
I believe leaning into and meditating on these truths even before your wedding day will help you go in with healthier expectations and "eyes wide open."
I add to my "finished books" shelf one that is well worn and very marked up! I pray the Lord continues to instill these truths into my being and that, when needed, I may not forget to pull this book off my shelves and revisit it again and again.
November 19, 2018
“The Gospel redeems the past, provides for the present, and prepares for the future. In marriage, it is God’s activity through the finished work of Christ, applied in our lives by the indwelling Holy Spirit, that encourages and enables us and ensures our future. Every journey must begin here.” This is just one example of how this marriage book is based on the gospel and also extremely practical & wise. “Love that Lasts” was excellently written and loaded with biblical wisdom without being a giant book. I will use it in marriage counseling, including the questions in the back! As a pastor I found myself going from “this part will be helpful to share with others” to “wow, I needed to hear that.” I will be coming back to this book for my own heart & marriage. Thank you Ricuccis!
February 27, 2021
In this book, Gary and Betsy Ricucci offer a very biblically-based account of what and how God has designed marriage to be, particularly in light of the gospel, including correcting distortions of how the culture perceives the roles as husbands and wives. They also offer a lot of practical help in the areas of communication, romance, and sex, which will help anyone, whether they are engaged, newly married, or have been married for some time. I'd highly recommend this book for anyone seeking a biblical view of marriage in light of the gospel and how that view impacts every other interaction within marriage.
June 6, 2021
Not much of a book, more of a written-down conversation. A guide to being a good Christian in your marriage. Not relevant to me these days (sadly), so I read it quickly out of passing interest. A good working knowledge of Scripture, as you'd expect, but some of the advice feels quite dated and from a different world, like a wife always being subservient to the needs of her husband. Not much depth here so perhaps it would work better as an introductory read more than for more experienced Christians.
October 14, 2023
I stopped at, "No-fault divorce, prenuptial agreements, multiple pairs of parents, homosexual "marriage"...the definition of normal marriage and family has become distorted and confused, and the overall Western consensus that once existed on the subject is endangered."
I believe not everyone can, or should, strive for the "perfect" nuclear family. Putting "marriage" in quotes in the phrase homosexual marriage makes me think you are too far removed from having an open heart. Homosexuals can have a loving marriage, just like heterosexual couples.
This book is not for me.
I believe not everyone can, or should, strive for the "perfect" nuclear family. Putting "marriage" in quotes in the phrase homosexual marriage makes me think you are too far removed from having an open heart. Homosexuals can have a loving marriage, just like heterosexual couples.
This book is not for me.
April 1, 2021
2021 reads: #11
Rating: 4 Stars
A refreshing book of guidance for marriage that seeks to ground its advice in the Scriptures. Very readable and practical with a touch of American openness. The constant focus on humility, seeking God's glory and the sufficiency of God's grace is both challenging and encouraging.
Rating: 4 Stars
A refreshing book of guidance for marriage that seeks to ground its advice in the Scriptures. Very readable and practical with a touch of American openness. The constant focus on humility, seeking God's glory and the sufficiency of God's grace is both challenging and encouraging.
December 10, 2017
It was a good book. Biblically sound without tackling anything too controversial or raw enough to get criticism. Tying in the relationship of Christ with his church to our relationship with our spouse well.
May 15, 2021
This is a sound book filled with biblical truths and funny, encouraging anecdotes on the joys, nuances, and hurdles of marriage. It has challenged and encouraged me and I would recommend it to any married or engaged couple out there!
October 3, 2019
Read for premarital. Pretty good. Super complementarian.
June 29, 2020
Excelente libro. No tiene una exposición bíblica exhaustiva, pero sí es muy bíblico y práctico en los temas que aborda.
April 12, 2021
3.5 stars to be exact. I thought this book was fine. I enjoyed it. Nothing earth shattering that I haven’t read from other books on marriage.
July 17, 2022
I read this when my husband and I went through pre-marital counseling before our marriage in 2009, and I've read it again now that we are DOING pre-marital counseling for other couples. While the content seemed pretty basic to me when I was engaged (our church emphasized a lot of this stuff so I was already familiar), fourteen years later I can more readily see the wisdom and foresight of this text. The Ricuccis also keep things general, focusing on principles rather than nitty-gritty, day-to-day, living-together stuff, which makes it a valuable PRE-marital counseling book--whereas some excellent marriage books just don't translate well to that engagement period.
July 15, 2009
This is a practical book firmly rooted in the doctrines of the cross. Not many of the concepts were "new," per say, but if I hear them a lot it's probably because I NEED to hear them a lot. They cover the usual gambit of marriage topics, from roles to communication to conflict resolution to romance. The most enjoyable thing about the book to me (other than the grounding in Christ's work on the cross) was the evident humility and grace they write with. They sound like a couple I would want to counsel me.
"We are intent (because God is intent) on having your heart and marriage filled with the hope and grace of God's love, faithfulness, and power displayed in the gospel--the person and finished work of Jesus Christ. And God's grace is every bit as present and effective on our best days as it is on our worst. God is constant in his commitment to love, bless, and transform, not because of our performance, but because of the perfection of his Son. That is the gospel of grace. And it is grace that gives us hope." Ricucci, p. 23
"Marriage, far from being an end in itself, is a key part of GOd's plan to fill the earth with a demonstration of who he is. Marriage belongs to God and exists for his glory. And that is for our good." Ricucci, p. 21
"We are intent (because God is intent) on having your heart and marriage filled with the hope and grace of God's love, faithfulness, and power displayed in the gospel--the person and finished work of Jesus Christ. And God's grace is every bit as present and effective on our best days as it is on our worst. God is constant in his commitment to love, bless, and transform, not because of our performance, but because of the perfection of his Son. That is the gospel of grace. And it is grace that gives us hope." Ricucci, p. 23
"Marriage, far from being an end in itself, is a key part of GOd's plan to fill the earth with a demonstration of who he is. Marriage belongs to God and exists for his glory. And that is for our good." Ricucci, p. 21
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July 23, 2011A refreshing read, quite insightful on what a Christ-centered marriage is suppose to look like. One aspect that I liked about the book is that it is authored by both the husband Gary Ricucci and his wife Betsy. Its always nice to read a book on marriage that is written coming from both perspective instead of solely the husband or the wife. The book is written from two decades worth (and counting!) of experience of living a godly marriage, so those who are engaged, newly weds and those having some years in their marriage might benefit from an older Christian couple's word on this topic. At the time of this review, I am engaged so any book on marriage that is based on Biblical principle is certainly worth learning from. The Ricucci's are funny (my fiance laughed outloud at certain part of the book), and impart Godly wisdom that is seasoned with Scripture and Christian humility. I recommend that this is a worthwhile read, especially with your spouse!
October 6, 2015
This was overall a good book on marriage. I would say in general that it is fairly typical of a lot of evangelical books on marriage, with strong points in its emphasis on communication and the role of community in general and a local church in particular in marriage. I appreciate the driving desire to be biblical in the approach and think that is achieved in general. There were a few places in the chapters on romance and sex where I think what they claimed as scriptural intention was simply their experience with little to no Bible to back it up. Using common sense or experience doesn't bother me, but it does seem problematic to begin a section by emphasizing how we should let Scripture speak and then go on to talk about the benefits of being adventurous in the bedroom with no reference to Scripture. That nitpick aside, I would recommend this book as a helpful read for engaged and married couples.
May 18, 2023
Good and wise counsel throughout. However, I'm not sure I'm 100% in agreement with everything that was said, particularly concerning the chapter on sex. I also got a little annoyed with how often they were singing the Mahaneys' praises and plugging their resources. I know they're family, but after the 10th or so mention I couldn't help but think, "Yes, I know you love them, please just move on." That's just a preference though.
March 2, 2010
This was a good marriage book. I would recommend it to any engaged couple as their first read. Some of the ideas were covered in similar books we've read early on in our marriage, but it was a good refresher course and offered several new ideas. I liked the perspective the book was written from and how the gospel was woven throughout.
March 3, 2011
Meh. Not great, not terrible. Full of useful reflections on marriage, sex, romance, and love, but nothing earth-shaking. I suspect that this book is targeted at people who are either new Christians, or have been under poor teaching and just haven't thought marriage through (I am not under poor teaching, but I hadn't really thought it through, so to that extent the book was very useful).
July 25, 2011
I found the sequence of topics...doctrine, roles and relational application appropriate. I also enjoyed their writing style which made for an easily digestable read. I did, however, find the topical coverage rather surface level and the chapters quite disjointed. It needed heavy supplementing for any in depth study but an approachable and faithful reminder for Christian marriages.
February 6, 2010
I read this out loud with Dallass. Great book, tons of practical help for marrieds, but would also be useful for singles looking toward marriage. I'm looking forward to reading this again now that we've been married longer and have met new challenges and matured more in our love.
June 28, 2008
There should be an "always reading" option here. This book, next to the Bible itself, has served my marriage more than any other. I'm so thankful for the urgings towards the gospel of grace that resound in this book.
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