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The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." But it often seems like conflict and disagreement are unavoidable. Serious, divisive conflict is everywhere-within families, in the church, and out in the world. And it can seem impossible to overcome its negative force in our lives.
In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents a comprehensive and practical theology for conflict resolution designed to bring about not only a cease-fire but also unity and harmony. Sande takes readers beyond resolving conflicts to true, life-changing reconciliation with family members, coworkers, and fellow believers.
Biblically based, The Peacemaker is full of godly wisdom and useful suggestions that are easily applied to any relationship needing reconciliation. Sande's years of experience as an attorney and as president of Peacemaker Ministries will strengthen readers' confidence as they stand in the gap as peacemakers.
In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents a comprehensive and practical theology for conflict resolution designed to bring about not only a cease-fire but also unity and harmony. Sande takes readers beyond resolving conflicts to true, life-changing reconciliation with family members, coworkers, and fellow believers.
Biblically based, The Peacemaker is full of godly wisdom and useful suggestions that are easily applied to any relationship needing reconciliation. Sande's years of experience as an attorney and as president of Peacemaker Ministries will strengthen readers' confidence as they stand in the gap as peacemakers.
320 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 1990
About the author
Ken Sande
33 books28 followers Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and president of a new ministry, Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as a mechanical engineer and lawyer, Ken is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel into the lives of Christians and their churches. He has used biblical peacemaking principles to minister to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal disputes to complex legal conflicts. He is the author of The Peacemaker, which has been translated into 15 languages, and has written numerous books, articles, and training resources on biblical conflict resolution and relational wisdom. He is a Certified Christian Conciliator, an Editorial Advisor for Christianity Today International’s Church Management Team, and a Certified Emotional Intelligence Instructor. He and his wife, Corlette, are delighted to be grandparents and love to hike with their family in the mountains near their home in Billings, Montana.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 442 reviews
September 23, 2020
This book is an excellent resource on working through conflict in a biblical way. I know I will be returning to it again and again!
June 15, 2021
This book contains fabulous biblical peacemaking principles. As I read it weekly, I was amazed in the way that God used each chapter in my life. Almost every chapter came at exactly the opportune time. This is a book that I will surely refer back to many times both in my personal life and in counseling.
My only complaint is that Ken Sande’s perspective in writing this book is much different than I expected going in. It is definitely a book written more for those involved in material disputes rather than extreme sin issues. Hence, the chapter on church discipline is not entirely biblical.
Overall, would definitely recommend!
My only complaint is that Ken Sande’s perspective in writing this book is much different than I expected going in. It is definitely a book written more for those involved in material disputes rather than extreme sin issues. Hence, the chapter on church discipline is not entirely biblical.
Overall, would definitely recommend!
September 28, 2018
Very good, practical, guidebook solidly based on Biblical principles. Covers root causes of conflict (with anyone, including a spouse), communication, what Biblical forgiveness is, consequences of unforgiveness, example after example of grace-filled reconciliations, sinful tactics we use to avoid loving confrontation, why conflict is full of opportunity and much more. Extremely thorough. I skimmed parts on court litigations.
September 22, 2022
I have read this book a total of 3 times, one me and husband other a book study with friends, and the other for biblical counseling class. I had never read a book that was detailed so well when it came to dealing with conflict, and helped me to view it biblically. Teaches how to make peace biblically in your relationships but also in regards to our relationship to God. It’s truly amazing and I refer to it a lot.
March 21, 2024
This was my second time through Ken Sande's "The Peacemaker." It is an absolute must read for any Christian leader... and frankly, any mature Christian. Sande's book is robust theologically and immensely practical. It would be great to see a new edition come out as there could be some updates, and it could probably benefit from a little shortening, but overall, this book has been so helpful to me personally and in my ministry.
For more reviews see thebeehive.live.
For more reviews see thebeehive.live.
October 4, 2022
Very good book, I highly recommend. Really helpful.
May 24, 2013
Conflict is inevitable. You put two people in a room and you will get at least five different opinions on something and they will fight.
Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is designed to help resolve conflict and be restored to one another. The concept may seem simple, and a lot of what Sande says is common sense, but it is still a book that should be required reading, especially in the church.
Sande's main point is that God hates conflict and that we should do whatever we can to resolve conflict. Or, in other words, Jesus meant it when he said, "Blessed are the peacemakers".
His method is very simple: (1) Get the log out of your own eyes. For true conflict resolution to occur, we need to do some self examination on our part to understand how we contribute to the conflict. (2) Talk to the person you are having conflict with. Truly talk to them and try to restore the relationship as quickly as you can. (3) Restore gently. If necessary, you may need to take people along with you to help in conflict resolution. For those who may be wondering, Sande does base his method on Matthew 18.
This book is written mainly for Christians, although I think non-Christians may benefit from the general precepts Sande proposes in the book.
Sande's writing is very clear and very practical. This would make an ideal book for a book or study group.
I highly recomend this book for all Christians, especially pastors.
Grade: B+
Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is designed to help resolve conflict and be restored to one another. The concept may seem simple, and a lot of what Sande says is common sense, but it is still a book that should be required reading, especially in the church.
Sande's main point is that God hates conflict and that we should do whatever we can to resolve conflict. Or, in other words, Jesus meant it when he said, "Blessed are the peacemakers".
His method is very simple: (1) Get the log out of your own eyes. For true conflict resolution to occur, we need to do some self examination on our part to understand how we contribute to the conflict. (2) Talk to the person you are having conflict with. Truly talk to them and try to restore the relationship as quickly as you can. (3) Restore gently. If necessary, you may need to take people along with you to help in conflict resolution. For those who may be wondering, Sande does base his method on Matthew 18.
This book is written mainly for Christians, although I think non-Christians may benefit from the general precepts Sande proposes in the book.
Sande's writing is very clear and very practical. This would make an ideal book for a book or study group.
I highly recomend this book for all Christians, especially pastors.
Grade: B+
September 27, 2016
I purchased my first copy of The Peacemaker off a discount shelf. I figured I had little to lose at 75% off the cover price. Since then, I have purchased and given away many copies of this wonderful book. It is the best resource I own on resolving conflict biblically AND successfully. After 30 years in full-time ministry, it is still on my Top Reads.
The strength of The Peacemaker is that it avoids the all-too-common trend of presenting humanistic principles of psychology dressed up in religious garb for Christian readers. Instead, it demonstrates the depth and sufficiency of God's grace for equipping Christians to be peacemakers - resolving conflicts, forgiving offenders, and reconciling relationships in a Christ-exalting manner. It issues a call to Christians to live by grace and confidently follow the clear principles God has given us in the New Testament.
You don't need a degree in psychology to understand The Peacemaker. The biblical principles are presented clearly and simply. Every Christian would benefit from reading this book. Twenty years from now, its content will be just as fresh and relevant as the day it was first published, because it presents the timeless principles of Scripture.
The strength of The Peacemaker is that it avoids the all-too-common trend of presenting humanistic principles of psychology dressed up in religious garb for Christian readers. Instead, it demonstrates the depth and sufficiency of God's grace for equipping Christians to be peacemakers - resolving conflicts, forgiving offenders, and reconciling relationships in a Christ-exalting manner. It issues a call to Christians to live by grace and confidently follow the clear principles God has given us in the New Testament.
You don't need a degree in psychology to understand The Peacemaker. The biblical principles are presented clearly and simply. Every Christian would benefit from reading this book. Twenty years from now, its content will be just as fresh and relevant as the day it was first published, because it presents the timeless principles of Scripture.
November 2, 2023
woohooo finally finished this one!! ty summer book club for reading with me and discussing weekly in place of sunday school <3 spent many months finishing this one and there is a LOT of good applicable content, so I feel like I need to go back and write a summary for myself or something HAHAHA. and wish I had read this book a long time ago; I could've used a lot of help in peacemaking. 10/10 highly recommend
October 25, 2022
Gospel centered and practical. A great guide to read to consider the scope of conflict and its solution(s).
May 5, 2021
4/5 stars.
Killing two birds with one stone here! Reading as part of my biblical counseling book list and as a supplement to Sunday school class.
Its magnum opus (at least for me) close to the beginning, that “conflict is an opportunity” sticks with you. How many people actually see conflict as an opportunity to God’s glory and our good? I’d say, not many of us. We see it as a nuisance. A hindrance or roadblock in the way of living our lives for the Lord. Yet it is an opportunity. Albeit challenging, handling conflict biblically and not worldly is a way to be faithful to and glorify our Father who is in heaven (Matt 5:13-16). And this book is chock full of biblical principles to help guide believers to more biblically resolve conflicts with one another.
Gave this title 4 stars, though I know I’ll be using it as a reference guide personally. Firstly, since it was last updated in 2004, it could probably use another update to account for the digital transformation in its examples. Not a dealbreaker since the principles can and do still shine though. Secondly, I do feel that on its own, this book can lean a bit myopic with its emphasis on peace-making. But rightly and expectedly so, it IS in the book’s name.
Nonetheless, if understood to be one piece of the puzzle in promoting all facets of biblical discipleship and fellowship with one another in the church for the purpose of growing together in Christ-likeness, then this book adds much to those efforts.
Killing two birds with one stone here! Reading as part of my biblical counseling book list and as a supplement to Sunday school class.
Its magnum opus (at least for me) close to the beginning, that “conflict is an opportunity” sticks with you. How many people actually see conflict as an opportunity to God’s glory and our good? I’d say, not many of us. We see it as a nuisance. A hindrance or roadblock in the way of living our lives for the Lord. Yet it is an opportunity. Albeit challenging, handling conflict biblically and not worldly is a way to be faithful to and glorify our Father who is in heaven (Matt 5:13-16). And this book is chock full of biblical principles to help guide believers to more biblically resolve conflicts with one another.
Gave this title 4 stars, though I know I’ll be using it as a reference guide personally. Firstly, since it was last updated in 2004, it could probably use another update to account for the digital transformation in its examples. Not a dealbreaker since the principles can and do still shine though. Secondly, I do feel that on its own, this book can lean a bit myopic with its emphasis on peace-making. But rightly and expectedly so, it IS in the book’s name.
Nonetheless, if understood to be one piece of the puzzle in promoting all facets of biblical discipleship and fellowship with one another in the church for the purpose of growing together in Christ-likeness, then this book adds much to those efforts.
May 1, 2018
I'm giving this book 4 stars and not 5 for a simple reason: it's a good resource in the hands of a faithful, humble Christian and a weapon in the hands of a person who isn't.
This book came highly recommended to me (years ago) and I finally got around to reading it. It has very good advice for how to handle interpersonal conflicts with others. There are excellent scriptural reminders that it is important to resolve conflict. Tips on how to approach a difficult conversation with whom you are at odds or how to control body motion, etc. are all spot on. However, if you read the book too "religiously" it can make it seem like every time you disagree with another person on any matter at all (i.e., beef vs. veggies for dinner) you are probably going to be launched into a conflict that needs solving. (And maybe some people do need this so I went ahead and gave the book 4 stars instead of the 3 that I originally leaned toward. Vegans can be fiesty people, I've noticed.) However, ye olde average Christian, I think, could read this and want to start practicing "resolution" all over the place and begin to take things too far. I have to give a word of caution that this book is a tool for healthy interaction but not a guide to how to perceive everything in light of our day-to-day disagreements and personal preferences. Take heed, Reader, least you fall into the temptation of thinking that everything about everything constantly needs to be discussed.
Will we live in this world peacefully with all? No. Or, at least, not all of the time. We aren't called to be at peace absolutely but "in so much as it is possible." When in conflict, it is good to know how to approach it wisely and productively. When standing at the door of conflict, it's sometimes a glory to overlook the matter. It requires a lot of thoughtful prayer sometimes to know which is which. So long as this is remembered by the reader, I could recommend the read.
This book came highly recommended to me (years ago) and I finally got around to reading it. It has very good advice for how to handle interpersonal conflicts with others. There are excellent scriptural reminders that it is important to resolve conflict. Tips on how to approach a difficult conversation with whom you are at odds or how to control body motion, etc. are all spot on. However, if you read the book too "religiously" it can make it seem like every time you disagree with another person on any matter at all (i.e., beef vs. veggies for dinner) you are probably going to be launched into a conflict that needs solving. (And maybe some people do need this so I went ahead and gave the book 4 stars instead of the 3 that I originally leaned toward. Vegans can be fiesty people, I've noticed.) However, ye olde average Christian, I think, could read this and want to start practicing "resolution" all over the place and begin to take things too far. I have to give a word of caution that this book is a tool for healthy interaction but not a guide to how to perceive everything in light of our day-to-day disagreements and personal preferences. Take heed, Reader, least you fall into the temptation of thinking that everything about everything constantly needs to be discussed.
Will we live in this world peacefully with all? No. Or, at least, not all of the time. We aren't called to be at peace absolutely but "in so much as it is possible." When in conflict, it is good to know how to approach it wisely and productively. When standing at the door of conflict, it's sometimes a glory to overlook the matter. It requires a lot of thoughtful prayer sometimes to know which is which. So long as this is remembered by the reader, I could recommend the read.
June 15, 2021
Excellent principles to apply to every conflict. For moms this guide is the best parenting book. Conflict abounds in EVERY relationship, the better we handle the small conflicts the better equipped we will be for the big ones.
Took off a star from my previous 5 star rating because 1) badly needs an update to address and incorporate technology (email, text, social media) that is heavily used in 2021, and 2) a couple of areas Sande was very unclear in his teaching this became more apparent as I went through the book in a group setting.
Took off a star from my previous 5 star rating because 1) badly needs an update to address and incorporate technology (email, text, social media) that is heavily used in 2021, and 2) a couple of areas Sande was very unclear in his teaching this became more apparent as I went through the book in a group setting.
August 19, 2020
This may be the best book on conflict resolution I’ve read. Very biblical and practical. If read carefully and implemented, this would promote a Peacemaker mindset that would benefit any pastor, or person who interacts with people. So... everyone!
March 25, 2009
Very good.
April 13, 2024
I think this is an excellent biblical guide for dealing with conflict within various settings. Overall 3.9⭐️’s
Firstly, there were some themes that I felt could use some better scholarly interpretation and theological backing, although this wouldn’t matter to an every-day reader. I just tend to think very systematically when it comes to any biblical guide or devotional book.
Apart from that, the guidelines presented by Sande were very solid, and at times extremely challenging. Whenever I felt personally attacked, I knew it was because of an area in which I personally lacked, and this book lovingly forced me to deal with a lot of trauma and my relationships with others in a healthy and Bible-based way.
Can confidently affirm that anyone who picks up this book will gain new perspective on conflict, while developing a very healthy worldview on the matter.
Firstly, there were some themes that I felt could use some better scholarly interpretation and theological backing, although this wouldn’t matter to an every-day reader. I just tend to think very systematically when it comes to any biblical guide or devotional book.
Apart from that, the guidelines presented by Sande were very solid, and at times extremely challenging. Whenever I felt personally attacked, I knew it was because of an area in which I personally lacked, and this book lovingly forced me to deal with a lot of trauma and my relationships with others in a healthy and Bible-based way.
Can confidently affirm that anyone who picks up this book will gain new perspective on conflict, while developing a very healthy worldview on the matter.
December 24, 2021
The Peacemaker by Ken Sande was not that appealing to me until I heard a lecture by the author. I was struck by the far-reaching implications of peacemaking and was motivated to read the book as part of my biblical counseling class. The value of the book lies in its emphasis on the gospel of Jesus Christ as the foundation for true peacemaking. The author gives many practical examples of peacemaking in action that the reader can apply to various situations. There is also an explicit, step by step method for beginning and ending the peacemaking process which leaves virtually no stone unturned in resolving conflict between two parties. Do you have friends and family? You need this book. All humans who come in contact with other humans will have conflict on various levels. This book helps you have healthy relationships by resolving conflict with biblical wisdom.
April 19, 2019
Very helpful book. I should reread it several times!
July 13, 2022
good theology, scripture saturated, highly applicable
December 6, 2022
This book would be helpful for every Christian to read and ponder. There are so many practical tools for getting along with people! The author’s philosophies are clearly founded on Scripture which he supplies in abundance. It is well formatted for group study or as an individual read. The questions at the end of each chapter are challenging and inspire immediate application. I found myself applying some of these principles even in small everyday ways and it’s definitely improved my communication skills and motives.
February 27, 2023
Great book with very practical advice. I think I would have preferred more of a focus on the heart and beliefs that lead to the practical advice rather than remembering a 5 step process
June 16, 2023
This book is a wonderful resource for anyone who finds themselves in conflict. It is unflinchingly biblical, and radical in how it advocates a selfless approach to making peace. This book would be good for ministers, counselors, and laymen in conflict. It’s not too long and written simply for comprehension.
March 25, 2022
Very practical and helpful book on the subject of peacemaking and reconciliation with other believers. Would definitely recommend to anyone struggling with another believer.
July 14, 2020
I would have expected a book of this kind, and one about to reach it's 30-year mark would feel dated and overly self-helpy. After all, it was written during a time where many Christian books of this nature ended up feeling more like self-help with Jesus tacked on. But this work on the biblical position of peacemaking was absolutely phenomenally executed and has held up very well over the years since Sande first wrote it.
There was such care given to the prolific use of Scripture. No cherry-picking and or taking things wildly out of context. Instead, there was a healthy mix of Scripture where it was appropriate and accurate and then a strong mix of sociological reasoning where appropriate as well.
It was also so thorough and insightful into the nature of discord and the ways of biblically bringing reconciliation. You can tell that this book was written by someone who had worked as a reconciler for many years, and who was notably actually quite good at it!
There was such care given to the prolific use of Scripture. No cherry-picking and or taking things wildly out of context. Instead, there was a healthy mix of Scripture where it was appropriate and accurate and then a strong mix of sociological reasoning where appropriate as well.
It was also so thorough and insightful into the nature of discord and the ways of biblically bringing reconciliation. You can tell that this book was written by someone who had worked as a reconciler for many years, and who was notably actually quite good at it!
April 8, 2021
Horrible, I read this last winter for school and barely remember what it was about - I blocked out so much of it. Nearly every night I went into my friends dorm room and complained to her about how it was so unhelpful. It was dominated by a privileged christian white man's perspective and tackled conflict management passively. Do not recommend.
March 7, 2024
I would love to start an editing organization where Christian authors come to us to find out how they could cut 100 pages from their books. As Professor Dickson once said, "Concision is key!"
Update: The concise version is Resolving Everyday Conflict
Update: The concise version is Resolving Everyday Conflict
February 25, 2023
Re-reading it ten years later, I'm still delighted that it's a practical, accessible book that is still the gold standard in Christian peacemaking
January 18, 2024
This book is jam packed with solid biblical counsel. Sande brought up many important issues and aspects to be aware of when encountering conflict with your family, neighbors, members in your church or even legal battles. He uses a lot of examples from his own counseling experiences. There’s also a lot of relational conflict in the Bible and he uses plenty of examples there, too.
I was especially challenged by the way he spoke on resolving with people who are difficult and refuse to be reconciled. He says, “The world defines success in terms of what a person possesses, controls, or accomplishes. God defines success in terms of faithful obedience to his will. The world asks, “What results have you achieved?” God asks, “Were you faithful to my ways?” Just because a conflict still exists, though I did all I could to be reconciled, what truly matters is my own obedience to the Lord.
Great read. Took me a while to read through, but I bet if I were in a present situation I’d devour the book in days.
I was especially challenged by the way he spoke on resolving with people who are difficult and refuse to be reconciled. He says, “The world defines success in terms of what a person possesses, controls, or accomplishes. God defines success in terms of faithful obedience to his will. The world asks, “What results have you achieved?” God asks, “Were you faithful to my ways?” Just because a conflict still exists, though I did all I could to be reconciled, what truly matters is my own obedience to the Lord.
Great read. Took me a while to read through, but I bet if I were in a present situation I’d devour the book in days.
September 12, 2020
Clear in its presentation and practical in its application towards how to maintain and bring about peace from a biblical perspective. Sande speaks both from wisdom from past experiences of conflict mediation and is sensitive to the prospect that conflict resolution isn't so cut and dry. It's messy and difficult and emotions heavily get involved. He provides helpful models to think through and ask hard reflective questions about the nature of making peace.
I am left wondering two dueling realities; 1)How good it would be for those involved in conflict resolution to apply the principles listed here 2)How difficult it must be to actually live this with broken sinners who can hardly think straight. Sande gives many stories of victory in his book to demonstrate how the principles work, but Idealogy and Practice rarely ever come out as neat and tidy as he mentions. The question I'm left with is the reality that so many of us live in; "What do you do with partial peace?"
I am left wondering two dueling realities; 1)How good it would be for those involved in conflict resolution to apply the principles listed here 2)How difficult it must be to actually live this with broken sinners who can hardly think straight. Sande gives many stories of victory in his book to demonstrate how the principles work, but Idealogy and Practice rarely ever come out as neat and tidy as he mentions. The question I'm left with is the reality that so many of us live in; "What do you do with partial peace?"
April 30, 2020
Our youth group has been going through this book throughout this semester, and it has been an absolute blessing. Ken Sande and Kevin Johnson describe the Biblical approach to conflict in a practical and easy to read way, that is perfect for middle-school and high-school students. The Biblical truths are so rich that any adult Christian would easily profit from the truth that they write about. Incredibly convicting and immensely practical, I would highly highly suggest this book, as we all encounter conflict within our daily lives. On a side note, I disagree with the authors' view of forgiveness that we should not forgive until our offender requests forgiveness. However, since this is such a small problem in such a fantastic book, it was not a huge issue for me. Again, highly suggest reading this book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 442 reviews