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When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man

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However you put it, the fear of man can be summarized this way: We replace God with people. Instead of a biblically guided fear of the Lord, we fear others.
Of course, the “fear of man” goes by other names. When we are in our teens, it is called “peer pressure.” When we are older, it is called “people-pleasing.” Recently, it has been called “codependency.” With these labels in mind, we can spot the fear of man everywhere. Diagnosis is fairly straightforward.

- Have you ever struggled with peer pressure? “Peer pressure” is simply a euphemism for the fear of man.
- Are you over-committed? Do you find that it is hard to say no even when wisdom indicates that you should? Are you are a “people-pleaser,” another euphemism for the fear of man ?
- Do you “need” something from your spouse? Do you “need” your spouse to listen to you? Respect you? Think carefully here. Certainly God is pleased when there is good communication and a mutual honor between spouses. But for many people, the desire for these things has roots in something that is far from God’s design for his image-bearers. Unless you understand the biblical parameters of marital commitment, your spouse will become the one you fear. Your spouse will control you. Your spouse will quietly take the place of God in your life.
- Is self-esteem a critical concern for you? This, at least in the United States, is the most popular way that the fear of other people is expressed. If self-esteem is a recurring theme for you, chances are that your life revolves around what others think. You reverence or fear their opinions. You need them to buttress your sense of well-being and identity. You need them to fill you up.
- Do you ever feel as if you might be exposed as an impostor? Many business executives and apparently successful people do. The sense of being exposed is an expression of the fear of man. It means that the opinions of other people — especially their possible opinion that you are a failure — are able to control you.
- Are you always second-guessing decisions because of what other people might think? Are you afraid of making mistakes that will make you look bad in other people’s eyes?
- Do you feel empty or meaningless? Do you experience “love hunger”? Here again, if you need others to fill you, you are controlled by them.
- Do you get easily embarrassed? If so, people and their perceived opinions probably define you. Or, to use biblical language, you exalt the opinions of others to the point where you are ruled by them.

THE problem is clear: People are too big in our lives and God is too small. The answer is straightforward: We must learn to know that our God is more loving and more powerful than we ever imagined. Yet this task is not easy. Even if we worked at the most spectacular of national parks, or the bush in our backyard started burning without being consumed, or Jesus appeared and wrestled a few rounds with us, we would not be guaranteed a persistent reverence of God. Too often our mountain-top experiences are quickly overtaken by the clamor of the world, and God once again is diminished in our minds. The goal is to establish a daily tradition of growing in the knowledge of God.

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

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About the author

Edward T. Welch

127 books393 followers
Edward T. Welch, M.Div., Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He has counseled for thirty years and is the best-selling author of many books including When People Are Big and God Is Small; Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave; Blame It on the Brain?; Depression: A Stubborn Darkness; Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction; Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest; and When I Am Afraid: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Fear and Anxiety. He and his wife Sheri have two daughters, two sons-in-law, and four grandchildren.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 577 reviews
Profile Image for Tom Sussex.
32 reviews12 followers
November 14, 2019
I was trying to work out how to describe this book when I saw another review on here that said: "this book will crush you, then liberate you". I couldn't agree more! The author does an excellently biblical job of showing the freedom that can be found when we turn our focus away from ourselves and towards God. The book's overarching message (and I hope I remember it) is this:

Fear of man can be overcome when we stop seeing ourselves as cups that need to be filled by other people, and instead as pitchers overflowing with the love that has been poured upon us. As Christians, we are to love people more than we need them.
Profile Image for Maris McKay.
Author 3 books21 followers
January 3, 2019
I have such mixed feelings about this book. The first few chapters were strongly written and personally convicting with the idea that our fears and anxieties about other people happen because we don't have a proper view of God's power and sovereignty. I agree that we let fear of man get in the way of a correct relationship with God far too often, and that a big part of the solution is to focus less on ourselves and more on God.

However, I feel that in proposing a solution Edward Welch went a little too extreme. He's reacting against the idea that we're empty cups who need God to fill-up our longings and desires, but he takes his reaction so far as to claim we don't have any psychological needs at all. We only have spiritual and physical needs, and that's what God supplies.

I would argue, however, that not all our psychological needs are "Christianized lusts." We can definitely turn our needs/desires into idols, but that doesn't mean (for example) that a child's craving for affection and safety is based in a wicked self-absorption. There's far too much emphasis in the Bible on God's desire for a heart, mind, and soul connection with His people for Him not to care about the state of our inner self (mental, emotional, and spiritual).

This book would have been wonderful if it had been more about putting our psychological and emotional needs in the proper context rather than trying to deny they exist at all. Much of the information is helpful, but I wish there had been more of a balanced view regarding God's loving kindness to "supply every need of yours," as Paul talks about in Philippians 4.
Profile Image for Julia.
30 reviews33 followers
December 17, 2011
This book helped me see the shortcomings of modern need-based psychology and even modern Christian psychology with its tripartite view of man.

"To look to Christ to meet our perceived psychological needs is to Christianize our lusts. We are asking God to give us what we want, so we can feel better about ourselves, or so we can have more happiness, not holiness, in our lives" (p. 150).

"The most basic question of human existence becomes 'How can I bring glory to God?'--not 'How will God meet my psychological longings?' These differences create very different tugs on our hearts: one constantly pulls us outward toward God, the other first pulls inward toward ourselves" (p. 158).

This book also helped me really understand what the fear of the Lord really is. Just a quick quote:

"If you have ever walked among giant redwoods, you will never be be overwhelmed by the size of a dogwood tree. Or if you have ever been through a hurricane, a spring rain is nothing to fear. If you have been in the presence of the almighty God, everything that once controlled you suddenly has less power"(p. 119).
Profile Image for Kimberly Grace.
162 reviews13 followers
April 8, 2023
I learned things that will honestly help me throughout my life. I can't say that about many books. It was inspiring, humbling, and made me think. (Especially the first several chapters!)

Some of the later chapters were harder to swallow/challenged some things I believed. I've had to ponder, and decided to change my opinions on many. (Though not all. 😄)

Heartily recommended to everyone who desires to follow Jesus/God and please Him more!
Profile Image for Kaetlyn Anne.
53 reviews663 followers
January 8, 2023
“You must be controlled by the truth of God more than your own feelings.” (pg 170) Welch’s thoughts on self-love, self-confidence, and self-interest are ahead of his time and still oh so relevant. In this book a quick fix is not offered, but rather, what is always the solution for the Christian— faithful plodding in the Word of God, prayer, unity in the Church body, and growing in the fear of the Lord through those means.
Profile Image for David Luna.
25 reviews3 followers
March 10, 2012
I remember reading "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren in 2002, and the opening sentence was "It's not about you". I was startled, like threw the book down startled. Edward Welch has that same effect except it is throughout the entire book. Extremely insightful for Christians living in a "Me First" world. This book is highly recommended. There is no deep theology just brutal truth and embarrassing honesty, which was my guess not easy to write.
Profile Image for Mike E..
282 reviews9 followers
October 30, 2022
This is blue-collar Christianity at its best. Welch writes a practical, readable guide to dealing with how we usually think about ourselves, God and others. He avoids Christian lingo and theological jargon. With clear and understandable ease he identifies the core struggles that human beings have. The core issue is not self-esteem or self-confidence; we are not "love-cups" that need to find the right people or environment to fill us up. We are "idol factories" that actually long for things and people that will glorify self rather than glorify Christ. As we all know, things and people will never ultimately satisfy us. God calls us to love Christ and others. Welch helps people who may have trouble seeing this in the Bible see it very clearly.



The book explains the biblical concept called the "fear of man (FOM)." This is when people play a bigger part of our lives (and how we think about ourselves and others) than God. Welch sees three aspects to FOM: 1. We fear people because they can expose or humiliate us. 2. We fear people because they can reject, ridicule, or despise us. 3. We fear people because they can hunt, attack, or threaten us.



Welch uses a variety of biblical texts and contemporary case scenarios to show how Christ covers and glorifies the shamed, accepts and glorifies the rejected, and protects and glorifies the threatened. This book will help anyone who wants to break free from the bonds of praise, criticism, or shame that often come from personal relationships.



One of the best chapters is "Biblically Examine Your Felt Needs." Welch makes the case that when we look at at a felt need--like, "If only my children would obey me" what we are often really looking at is a "Christianized lust." In other words, when we think that our key to happiness is obedient children we are really far from the will of God. God does want our children to obey us. It is a sin for them to dishonor their parents. But Welch is not looking at the kids in this book. He's looking at the heart of the reader. He argues that our felt needs most often reveal our idols. A godly parent should not be controlled by whether his child obeys or not. Christ alone truly satisfies the soul, nothing else. Not money, a great marriage, or obedient children. A key sentence in the book is this:



"To look to Christ to meet our perceived psychological needs is to Christianize our lusts. We are asking God to give us what we want, _so we can feel better about ourselves,_ or so we can have more happiness, not holiness, in our lives (150)."





The gospel is the story of God covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them. (34)
Profile Image for Ashley.
29 reviews
April 24, 2020
It's not often that I find a book where I wholeheartedly agree with the author's main idea while disagreeing so strongly with the way that idea is presented. In this case, the main idea is that Christians need to look for Christ for fulfillment rather than other people and what they can (or can't) offer us. That's fine and true, and I would argue for it myself.
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However, I would hesitate before recommending this book to anyone. Welch backs up his thesis primarily by introducing readers to ideas he disagrees with (mostly contemporary psychology of the 1990s). There are fewer instances where he refers the reader to ideas from anyone that he does agree with, and the continued reading page is limited to books authored by Welch and others in his publishing group. That's a red flag for me when I'm reading nonfiction on any subject, because it sets up the author as the ultimate expert.
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There are a few good points made by Welch, but they are threaded through with poor arguments and spoken in condescension. 2/5 stars.
Profile Image for Miclea Paula.
13 reviews2 followers
October 14, 2023
De prisos să mai zic cât de bine mi-a prins această carte, și sper să o și pot pune în aplicare. E biblică, practică și accesibilă.
Începe prin a ajuta cititorul aflat în dubii dacă se confruntă sau nu cu problema fricii de oameni cu un răspuns simplu, "da". Chiar și pentru cei mai tari, "să asculte însă și înțeleptul și își va mări știința."

Frica de oameni o meteahnă ce s-a strecurat printre rândurile credincioșilor, subtilă și greu de observat. Autorul nu a venit și m-a bătut pe umăr, zicându-mi, e ok, ești doar om. În mod suprinzător, fricosul din mine nu avea nevoie de cocoloșiri. De la început și până aproape de final focusul a fost pe sfințenia lui Dumnezeu, fapt care m-a conștientizat profund din nou de Măreția Sa.
Și după ce eul a fost smerit sub apropierea de sfințenia Domnului, ultima parte a cărții începe cu o scurtă analiză a celei mai frumoase povești de dragoste din Biblie, o reflecție a dragostei divine pentru omenire, Osea și Gomera.

Când privesc spre un astfel de Domn nu îmi mai vine să mă uit înspre mine sau ceilalți. Oamenii nu mai sunt mijloace de împlinire psihologică sau a unei stări evlavioase aparente, ci ajung obiectul slujirii. Suntem după chipul și asemănarea lui Dumnezeu, așa că pur și simplu avem rolul de a-L imita pe Creatorul nostru.
Și în final, spoiler, de unde dilema titlului? Răspunsul e chiar in prima frază din descrierea cărții: îl înlocuim pe Domnul cu oamenii. Suntem întorși pe dos.
Profile Image for David Harris.
221 reviews23 followers
January 28, 2022
How much does the fear of man prevent us from living for Christ? Probably more than you think. Reading this book opened my eyes to a multi-faceted issue I struggle with: having a low view of God (God is too small) and having a high view of man (man is too big). Fear to evangelize, failure to confront other believers about sin, not making changes in my life for fear of what others think, and caring more about expectations of men than of God, all can be summarized by the title of this book. This book was massively influential for me for two reasons. First it helped me identify all the areas in my life where fear of man was a problem. Second, Welch shows the reader how to study God's Word and understand how big He really is. This will be one of those books I will read over and over again.
Profile Image for Haley Annabelle.
300 reviews111 followers
October 15, 2021
Well I didn’t expect to finish this that quickly but what else are you going to do when sitting in a hospital room for 18 hours?
This book is fabulous! I expected to talk more about people pleasing but it just covered the general issue of fear of man vs fear of God. I especially liked the chapters that focus on codependency and what we truly need. It was helpful to have definitions of why we need people and what it means to love others.
Would highly recommend to every Christian!
Profile Image for Liam.
373 reviews31 followers
January 31, 2024
This was absolutely excellent! For anyone who has had fear of man as a dominant struggle throughout their life, this book will help you develop practices to redirect your heart toward a holy worship and awe in God rather than people.
Profile Image for Mae Walker.
171 reviews21 followers
January 17, 2021
I started this book about 18 months ago, read the first two chapters about fearing people because of shame (fear of being known for who you are) and fear of rejection and I put the book down because that was enough for me to think about for 18 months!

However I was very disappointed reading this book today as Welch takes biblical concepts such as loving other people and finding our identity in Christ to such crazy extremes that he actually spends several chapters saying that people don't have psychological needs, only spiritual and physical needs?? Which is insane and unscientific and unhelpful and not based in what the Bible says at all- only it what it doesn't say (shocking that the Bible doesn't really talk about modern psychology!) Arguing from what the Bible doesn't say is just shocking theology and disregards that God gave us the ability to question and research and learn about the world through science. The idea here that it is morally wrong to need security and love from other people is SO DAMAGING.

Another thing: Welch dismisses emotions as entirely unimportant. But our feelings/emotions can be at the same time be so helpful and informative for understanding ourselves while still not being the way to determine truth. Eg. If I have a mental breakdown about someone cancelling plans, my feelings of disappointment and sadness are real and completely valid and tell me that I was looking forward to the plans, that the friendship is important to me etc- but my feelings do not tell me the truth about the situation when I feel so rejected that I think my friend who cancelled doesn't love me and doesn't want to be my friend. My feelings need to be acknowledged, but I can reason with myself and remind myself of the truth of what really happened. Emotions are so important as indicators of what is going on for us and it's fine to have emotions. We're only human, after all.

What I did find helpful was the reminder that it's important to act out of love and generosity rather than self preservation and anxiety, which I agree is a totally valid point and I need to work on. However, the way he chooses to say this by saying we should have "more love and less need" I disagree with strongly. God made us for relationships and community and it's completely fine for you to have needs in that. If they're disabling needs, see a counsellor and work out why that is, don't read this book.
Profile Image for Bambi Moore.
261 reviews34 followers
February 8, 2019
2014: Great book, particularly the last half. I realized how much I had bought into some psychobabble over the years (as Welch mentions, it is in the air we breathe, like smog). Viewing ourselves as cups to be filled (I.e. "Love tanks") looking for other people to meet our needs, versus seeing ourselves as full pitchers of Christ's love, just waiting to be spilled over and out onto others, has renewed my thinking. We have fear of men because of potential rejection, their ability to shame us. But God has already covered our shame and will never reject us, no matter how unfaithful. This book has helped me see my way to love more, need less.

2019: 5 stars. Not sure why I didn’t give this 5 stars the first time. Possibly it was just more meaningful to me this time. Welch writes with such humility and great insight. This is a fantastic read.
Profile Image for Dakotah Riley.
11 reviews1 follower
October 5, 2022
This was a great book, where the points were laid out in a methodical, logical way. It got to the heart of why we please people, and make man our idol. Further, it did well to lay out how to fight this sin by learning to fear God and know our duty (that is, do what we know is right before God) by using Scripture as our main weapon. I also appreciated the examples used in the author's points to clarify his meaning throughout the book. I would recommend this to anyone who struggles with the fear of man!
Profile Image for Julia Hayward.
28 reviews3 followers
February 28, 2024
Oops! Spent all of nap time reading this instead of caulking and errands! So so good. I felt like it just kept getting better as I read on! I started the book thinking “I surely sin, but I don’t struggle with THIS sin too much.” Laugh. Out. Loud. I sure do. I think the beginning of the book starts out using the phrase “peer pressure” and that made it sound like a shallow high school problem or something, but as the book went on it got deeper and deeper, all the way down to the heresy of self esteem. I’d put this on your long Christian nonfiction list you have to get to at some point.
January 3, 2024
I love this book, and it has been invaluable to me in my own life, as well as my marriage. I have read through it three times already, and will likely do so again. However, that also highlights my biggest gripe with Welch's writing here. He says so many amazing things, but doesn't really organize his thoughts in a memorable fashion. The "steps" in his "Fear God" programme are so far apart, and often jammed in the middle of other (sometimes competing) ideas that it's really hard to put the book down and recall what you learned the next day. This could be my own failings as a reader, but even now I am struggling to articulate concisely all the things that makes this book good. But it was! My wife and I read through this together and it provided a sweet time of reflection, repentance, and resolution over our proclivity to be controlled by people. 3rd-time read. 4/5.
Profile Image for Tara.
185 reviews24 followers
November 19, 2013
Welch's thesis is rather jarring to anyone raised in modern-day America where the individual is king and low self-esteem is a heinous offense. I kept thinking some of his statements lacked the appropriate nuances, but that may have just been me looking for an out. Ha. I will say I liked what he was saying a good deal more than how he was saying it---but that's true of a lot of his books for me. And since I can't think of any other books that address "low self-esteem" in Biblical terms (idolatry, fear of man, etc.), I'd definitely recommend it as food for thought.

I also can't help but think it'd counterbalance a lot of well-meaning marriage books, which tend to obsess over needs. (Isn't there even one called "His Needs / Her Needs?") They constant chirp that a husband *needs* respect, and a wife *needs* security -- when these are, in fact, desires/longings/lusts. True needs are biological and spiritual, not psychological. We are called to mirror God's attributes to our spouses (including respect, security, and love) but we do this for God's glory and our spouse's sanctification, not because we are called to fill our spouse's "love tank." (And not so we can get ours filled in return...) I'm not married, obviously, but I feel like that's going to be a huge temptation of mine, and I'm glad I'm realizing it now.

39 reviews7 followers
July 2, 2022
oof! I am pretty conflicted about this book. In short, it felt over-simplistic to me.
There were parts I really loved about the big picture Welch painted. In a nutshell, by fearing God more we are free to need people less and love them more. This was a refreshing view especially in contrast to the world of psychology which often serves self-seeking agendas that are not ultimately liberating for us.
However, as Welch unpacks this all, he argues that humans have only biological and spiritual needs. What we claim are psychological needs are really sinful demands. I’m not sure I agree. I kept wanting to say “yes, but…” Also, I would not hand this book to anyone working through trauma.
I should confess that I am coming at this as someone who tends to be independent to a fault so perhaps that is some of my reaction. I know what my younger self would have done with his message and it wouldn’t have been healthy. To be fair, Welch addresses this and some of my other concerns. In the end, I agreed with his conclusions, but maintain that this book feels over-simplistic.
Pretty sure my brain might be spinning with this one for a while.

198 reviews40 followers
August 10, 2021
This book was like a scalpel that cut deep into my heart and exposed my longstanding desire to please others and to maintain a vain image of my self-importance. Fear of man is as old as time! Do yourself a favor and grab a copy of this book. Then, return to it often. “If we fail to recognize the reality and depth of our sin problem, God will become less important, and people will become more important," Welch writes.
Profile Image for Hannah.
647 reviews15 followers
October 8, 2018
Man, this packed a punch! Such a helpful articulation of who we are in light of who God is & what we truly “need”!
Profile Image for Michael Philliber.
Author 5 books59 followers
December 26, 2022
Ed Welch needs little introduction for those who have read anything he wrote. Counselor, biblical scholar, and guide, Welch fires on all cylinders. "When People are Big and God is Small" is a prime example. It's an easy-to-read work that takes readers, level by level, to see how they fear others, and thus, hold others in awe; and yet don't fear God. The biblical model has been inverted, and turned inside out and upside down.

The book develops seven "steps" to aid readers in walking away from the fear of others, to being in greater and deeper awe of God. Welch works on these seven "steps" in thirteen chapters to give depth to each phase. He deals with our past habits, present reactions, and future directions. He takes on folk religion, popular self-help manuals, internal motivations, social mores, and more. It's written for teenagers and adults, and communicated in straightforward ways.

Though Welch is working more at helping people on a personal level, many of his concepts apply to even bigger situations. If we fear anything (making it big) we diminish the significance of fearing God in our lives (making him small in our hearts or perceptions). But as God told Isaiah, "For the LORD spoke thus to me with his strong hand upon me, and warned me not to walk in the way of this people, saying: “Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread. But the LORD of hosts, him you shall honor as holy. Let him be your fear, and let him be your dread" (Isaiah 8:11-13).

Therefore, as a example, Welch writes, "Anything that erodes the fear of God will intensify the fear of Man" (79). That observation pertains not only to our individual situations, but has deep, biblical bearing on national and international aspects. What do you fear more? God or some human concocted conspiracy or manmade cabal? Oh yes, there is a depth to this book that many Christians facing 2023 need to dive into.

Most people will gain much from this work regarding their personal relationships and habits. But it has much to say for larger contexts as well. Pastors, parents, teens and twentysomethings need to snatch up a copy, work through it, and lift up their hearts in awe and adoration of the one who is far bigger than creation, corporations, or confederacies. I highly recommend "When People are and God is Small."
Profile Image for Jake Banta.
8 reviews
September 8, 2022
This book uncovered for me a largely ignored sin pattern that defines many people including me. Caring about what others think of us and being controlled by them is a deeper problem of us fearing man more than we fear God. Our hearts are quick to ignore God and instead create idols out of other people and our own sinful desires. A lot to process in this one, but the one big takeaway is the author’s encouragement to need people less and love people more in faithful obedience to our God who loved us first and now calls us to love.
Profile Image for Josiah DeGraaf.
888 reviews245 followers
April 16, 2016
This was a truly excellent book that not only was a fantastic analysis and deconstruction of our culture's messed-up understanding of self-esteem, but was also a book that I personally needed to read and learn from. The book's central goal is to help its readers to fear God more than man, and the more Welch unpacked what a fear of man looks like, the more and more clearly I could see it in the culture and in my own life as well. Welch's love for people comes clearly through in this book, as well as his refusal to avoid giving the hard truths when they need to be told. Pastoral in nature, Welch gives a lot of wise advice on how we can spot this fear of man present in our lives and how we can best overthrow it by cultivating a deeper fear of God.

It's hard for me to fully encompass in this review how good this book was, so I'm going to settle by saying this and then including some of my favorite quotes below. This is a book that I think a lot of people in our culture need to read. And it was a book that I needed to read as well. So this book comes with my heartiest recommendations.

Rating: 4.5-5 Stars (Extremely Good).

Select Quotes:
"We are more concerned about looking stupid (a fear of people) than we are about acting sinfully (fear of the Lord." (40)

"'Needs' or 'rights' lead irresistibly into fear of man. If you 'need' love (to feel okay about yourself), you will soon be controlled by the one who dispenses love." (87)

"If we think that sin is in any way superficial, then we do not understand the true nature of sin. When psychological needs, rather than sin, are seen as our primary problem, not only is our self-understanding affected, but the Gospel itself is changed. The good news of Jesus is not intended to make us feel good about ourselves. Instead, the good news humbles us." (146)

"Is it possible that we are called to love not because other people are empty and need love (to feel better about themselves) but because love is the way in which we imitate Christ and bring glory to God?" (147)

"Don't we do children a disservice by showering them with unearned approval? The self-respect the schools are seeking to bestow comes only as a person develops a growing ability to meet difficult tasks, risk failure, and overcome obstacles. You can't simply confer self-esteem upon another person. To assume that other people can control our view of ourselves is what creates low self-esteem in the first place!" (29)

"There is something about the power of God, not to mention the thought of Hell, that cuts through the painful introspection associated with the fear of others." (72)

"We need more sermons that leave us trembling." (96)

"God's Word, not feelings, is our standard. To be driven by our fluctuating sense of well-being may seem spiritual, but it is wrong. It exalts our interpretation above God's." (170)
Profile Image for Chris Wilson.
101 reviews1 follower
May 4, 2017
This book has been on the "to read" list for almost two years, and I just now got around to getting it read. My only regret is not having ready it sooner.

The book is divided into two sections. "How and Why We Fear Others," the first section deals with fear of man, where it comes from, and how it plays out in our lives daily. The best chapter, in my opinion, was chapter five, "The World Wants Me to Fear People." It is in this chapter that Welch points out the various ways that culture has made fear of man respectable and the aim of most of its counseling. Welch covers some modern assumptions about God and man, and from there dives into how modern psychology and even biblical psychology play off of these assumptions. The end result of dealing with assumptions rather than the Bible, for biblical psychologists, pastors, leaders, etc., is a reinforcement of the fear of man rather than freedom that comes from the fear of God.

The second section, "Overcoming the Fear of Others," applies biblical fear of the Lord to our profound and often frustrating issues surround the fear of man and ourselves. This section is rich with practical and applied theology, which is a breath of fresh air. The best chapter from this section, in my opinion, was chapter twelve. Here, right at the end of the book, Welch ties in the fear of man giving way to fear of God and how that plays out in the life of the church. I always hope for a chapter in any book that justifies, by itself, the purchase of said book and for me this was that chapter. When we rightly fear God, and not man, we have a desire to be with other believers to help magnify and showcase the God whom we fear (worship, hold in awe). Right fear of God always leads to worship and enjoyment of God and we want our brothers and sisters to join with us in "displaying the manifold wisdom of God."

I highly recommend this book for pastors, elders, deacons, small group leaders, etc. who have a shepherding component to their church service. Most churches are healthiest when they have staff (paid or lay) who can triage persons in need of counsel. This book provides a great starting framework to begin to understand how best to love and care for the people under your care. Get it and start reading today.
Profile Image for Lisa.
107 reviews
May 17, 2011
I really like this book. I've read it a couple times. An ongoing theme throughout the book is "love people more and need them less". Meaning that we shouldn't need people to make us feel happy or fulfilled.
One section talks about how people are our idol of choice. We give them more power over us than God. We want people to fill us with love, respect and acceptance. As with any idol, it soon owns us. "The object we fear overcomes us. Although insignificant in itself, the idol becomes huge and rules us. It tells us how to think, what to feel, and how to act. It tells us what to wear, it tells us to laugh at a dirty joke, and it tells us to be frightened to death that we might have to get up in front of a group and say something....We never expect that using people to meet our desires leaves us enslaved to them." p46
The book goes on to describe things in our lives that may indicate that people are our idols.
-think and feel responsible for other people
-feel compelled to help people solve their problems
-get tired of feeling like they always give to others but no one gives to them
-blame, blame, blame
-feel unappreciated
-fear rejection
-focus all energy on people and their problems
-let other people hurt them and never say anything
-feel angry
-feel like martyrs

The book talks about how sometimes we give too much priority to our feelings and emotions. "I feel like this is God's will." "I feel like this is the right thing to do." This kind of reasoning puts our feelings above God, making our own emotions an idol.

This book makes me step back and see idols in my life that I didn't know were there. I would recommend this book to everyone, because I think we all struggle with this on some level.
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