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War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles
An important and biblical book about our words and our God. Few of us really think about the power, the blessing, the gift, the effect, and the danger of our words. This book will make you think before you speak. Best of all, it will make you think of him before you speak.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2000
About the author
Paul David Tripp
118 books1,172 followersPaul was born in Toledo, Ohio to Bob and Fae Tripp on November 12, 1950. Paul spent all of his growing years in Toledo until his college years when his parents moved to Southern California.
At Columbia Bible College from 1968-1972, (now Columbia International University) Paul majored in Bible and Christian Education. Although he had planned to be there for only two years and then to study journalism, Paul more and more felt like there was so much of the theology of Scripture that he did not understand, so he decided to go to seminary. Paul met Luella Jackson at College and they married in 1971. In 1971, Paul took his first pastoral position and has had a heart for the local church ever since. After college, Paul completed his Master of Divinity degree at the Reformed Episcopal Seminary (now known as Philadelphia Theological Seminary) in Philadelphia (1972-1975). It was during these days that Paul’s commitment to ministry solidified. After seminary, Paul was involved in planting a church in Scranton, Pennsylvania (1977-1987) where he also founded a Christian School. During the years in Scranton, Paul became involved in music, traveling with a band and writing worship songs. In Scranton, Paul became interested in biblical counseling and decided to enroll in the D.Min program in Biblical Counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul then became a faculty member of the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) and a lecturer in biblical counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul has also served as Visiting Professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.
In 2009, Paul joined the faculty of Redeemer Seminary (daughter school of Westminster) in Dallas, Texas as Professor of Pastoral Life and Care.[1]
Beginning in June, 2006, Paul became the President of Paul Tripp Ministries, a non-profit organization, whose mission statement is "Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life." In addition to his current role as President of Paul Tripp Ministries, on January 1, 2007, Paul also became part of the pastoral staff at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, PA where he preached every Sunday evening and lead the Ministry to Center City through March, 2011 when he resigned due to the expanding time commitments needed at Paul Tripp Ministries.
Paul, Luella, and their four children moved to Philadelphia in 1987 and have lived there ever since. Paul is a prolific author and has written twelve books on Christian living which are sold internationally. Luella manages a large commercial art gallery in the city and Paul is very dedicated to painting as an avocation.[2] Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ really does speak with practical hope into all the things they will face in this broken world. Paul is a pastor with a pastor’s heart, a gifted speaker, his journey taking him all over the world, an author of numerous books on practical Christian living, and a man who is hopelessly in love with Luella.
At Columbia Bible College from 1968-1972, (now Columbia International University) Paul majored in Bible and Christian Education. Although he had planned to be there for only two years and then to study journalism, Paul more and more felt like there was so much of the theology of Scripture that he did not understand, so he decided to go to seminary. Paul met Luella Jackson at College and they married in 1971. In 1971, Paul took his first pastoral position and has had a heart for the local church ever since. After college, Paul completed his Master of Divinity degree at the Reformed Episcopal Seminary (now known as Philadelphia Theological Seminary) in Philadelphia (1972-1975). It was during these days that Paul’s commitment to ministry solidified. After seminary, Paul was involved in planting a church in Scranton, Pennsylvania (1977-1987) where he also founded a Christian School. During the years in Scranton, Paul became involved in music, traveling with a band and writing worship songs. In Scranton, Paul became interested in biblical counseling and decided to enroll in the D.Min program in Biblical Counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul then became a faculty member of the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) and a lecturer in biblical counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul has also served as Visiting Professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.
In 2009, Paul joined the faculty of Redeemer Seminary (daughter school of Westminster) in Dallas, Texas as Professor of Pastoral Life and Care.[1]
Beginning in June, 2006, Paul became the President of Paul Tripp Ministries, a non-profit organization, whose mission statement is "Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life." In addition to his current role as President of Paul Tripp Ministries, on January 1, 2007, Paul also became part of the pastoral staff at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, PA where he preached every Sunday evening and lead the Ministry to Center City through March, 2011 when he resigned due to the expanding time commitments needed at Paul Tripp Ministries.
Paul, Luella, and their four children moved to Philadelphia in 1987 and have lived there ever since. Paul is a prolific author and has written twelve books on Christian living which are sold internationally. Luella manages a large commercial art gallery in the city and Paul is very dedicated to painting as an avocation.[2] Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ really does speak with practical hope into all the things they will face in this broken world. Paul is a pastor with a pastor’s heart, a gifted speaker, his journey taking him all over the world, an author of numerous books on practical Christian living, and a man who is hopelessly in love with Luella.
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May 29, 2020
Have already read thru this book at least once. Was reading this time for a counseling case. Did not finish this time, but just getting it off my list.
Bottom line--this is an excellent book on communication, and very useful, particularly for marriage and family counseling.
Bottom line--this is an excellent book on communication, and very useful, particularly for marriage and family counseling.
January 28, 2010
Just five pages into War of Words, Paul Tripp makes this astonishing claim: “God has a wonderful plan for our words” (5). Modern evangelicalism is quick to talk about God’s plan–and God’s plans–so this statement doesn’t sound overtly different, provocative, or perhaps even book-worthy. In fact, seminaries, churches, and parachurches have made so-called Christian counseling all the rage, so another book on godly communication should fit right into the local Christian bookstore.
Tripp’s initial argument doesn’t sound provocative on its face. However, it’s the following supplemental points that Tripp makes on page 5 that stir a deeper thinking:
• Sin has radically altered our agenda for our words […:]
• In Christ Jesus we find the grace that provides all we need […:]
• The Bible plainly and simply teaches us how to get from where we are to where God wants us to be.
Tripp’s argument continues: if the solution for sin is Jesus Christ and His reconciling death, then the solution for sinful communication must be a return to Jesus Christ, not a system or set of best practices. “[Tripp is:] convinced that we do not understand how radically the gospel can change the way we understand and solve our communication problems” (5). Sin, the Bible would teach, affects the whole man. Further, as Jesus Himself says, what comes out of a man simply bears witness to what is inside that man (Mat. 15:17-20).
Communication, then, reflects our sinful hearts. Consequently, an outward approach to improving communication–writing out your thoughts before voicing them, counting to ten internally, asking questions rather than making demands–is at best an attempt to restrain the effect of sin. But does this in fact deal with the actual sin producing the poor communication? Does this outward restraint do anything other than layer a sinful heart with external moralistic behavior? No.
A Biblical approach to dealing with words must actually look past words. The Bible and Tripp’s book demand a return to the Gospel in all its power. A Christian who seeks to “improve” their communication is in fact denying a sin problem. Sin cannot be lessened in some continuous, long-term, quantifiable manner. It can be warred against, and repented of, and forgiven; in fact, this is the Christian gospel.
Tripp sums up the Biblical approach to relationships and communication on page 160: “We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships.” The purpose of communication, then, is not to get a message across. It is not to make yourself heard, nor is it to achieve happiness, mutual understanding, or agreement on a controversial issue. The purpose of communication–and in fact, the message of the Gospel–is redemption.
God’s mission through Jesus was and is to rescue sinful man. In 2 Cor. 5:17-20, all Christians are called to reconcile, and to be agents of God. Our chief end must necessarily be rescue and reconciliation. Further, it is the message of reconciliation we are entrusted with. A message is ultimately a collection of words. How does a Christian win the war of words? They seek to reconcile others to God through Jesus Christ. Ultimately, this end has little to do with winning for the individual at all.
Tripp’s initial argument doesn’t sound provocative on its face. However, it’s the following supplemental points that Tripp makes on page 5 that stir a deeper thinking:
• Sin has radically altered our agenda for our words […:]
• In Christ Jesus we find the grace that provides all we need […:]
• The Bible plainly and simply teaches us how to get from where we are to where God wants us to be.
Tripp’s argument continues: if the solution for sin is Jesus Christ and His reconciling death, then the solution for sinful communication must be a return to Jesus Christ, not a system or set of best practices. “[Tripp is:] convinced that we do not understand how radically the gospel can change the way we understand and solve our communication problems” (5). Sin, the Bible would teach, affects the whole man. Further, as Jesus Himself says, what comes out of a man simply bears witness to what is inside that man (Mat. 15:17-20).
Communication, then, reflects our sinful hearts. Consequently, an outward approach to improving communication–writing out your thoughts before voicing them, counting to ten internally, asking questions rather than making demands–is at best an attempt to restrain the effect of sin. But does this in fact deal with the actual sin producing the poor communication? Does this outward restraint do anything other than layer a sinful heart with external moralistic behavior? No.
A Biblical approach to dealing with words must actually look past words. The Bible and Tripp’s book demand a return to the Gospel in all its power. A Christian who seeks to “improve” their communication is in fact denying a sin problem. Sin cannot be lessened in some continuous, long-term, quantifiable manner. It can be warred against, and repented of, and forgiven; in fact, this is the Christian gospel.
Tripp sums up the Biblical approach to relationships and communication on page 160: “We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships.” The purpose of communication, then, is not to get a message across. It is not to make yourself heard, nor is it to achieve happiness, mutual understanding, or agreement on a controversial issue. The purpose of communication–and in fact, the message of the Gospel–is redemption.
God’s mission through Jesus was and is to rescue sinful man. In 2 Cor. 5:17-20, all Christians are called to reconcile, and to be agents of God. Our chief end must necessarily be rescue and reconciliation. Further, it is the message of reconciliation we are entrusted with. A message is ultimately a collection of words. How does a Christian win the war of words? They seek to reconcile others to God through Jesus Christ. Ultimately, this end has little to do with winning for the individual at all.
May 18, 2022
Complexă. Despre abordarea problemelor de comunicare, dar mai mult decât atât, despre abordarea problemelor inimii.
"Viața noastră întreagă va fi determinată de pâinea după care alergăm (spirituală sau materială).
Nu există minciuni mai periculoase decât cele care ne îndepărtează de la o speranță plină de dragoste și o predare față de Creatorul pe care nu-L putem vedea, însă aceste minciuni ne duc într-o robie față de o necontenită și nesatisfăcătoare căutare a ceea ce este trecător.
Oricare ar fi cazul, limba va sluji stăpânului căruia inima îi este deja dedicată."
"Viața noastră întreagă va fi determinată de pâinea după care alergăm (spirituală sau materială).
Nu există minciuni mai periculoase decât cele care ne îndepărtează de la o speranță plină de dragoste și o predare față de Creatorul pe care nu-L putem vedea, însă aceste minciuni ne duc într-o robie față de o necontenită și nesatisfăcătoare căutare a ceea ce este trecător.
Oricare ar fi cazul, limba va sluji stăpânului căruia inima îi este deja dedicată."
August 8, 2023
August 2023 Update:
We read this for our church's summer book club. Still a great read and a great book to discuss with others.
I forgot upon rereading how slow the last 3 chapters are. Just a little repetitive and list-oriented.
October 2022:
*4.5 stars*
"God has a wonderful plan for our words."
The first half is especially helpful in establishing the War of Words as a battle for sovereignty over our lives. Tripp has many great examples from all his counseling over the years and many will stick with me. It took me a few months to read this, I took it slow to digest and hopefully apply the concepts. He addresses first and foremost our hearts before getting to the practical applications at the very end.
The conflict resolution part isn't as in-depth or helpful as The Peacemaker, but this is still a great resource for how to be Godly in using your words.
We read this for our church's summer book club. Still a great read and a great book to discuss with others.
I forgot upon rereading how slow the last 3 chapters are. Just a little repetitive and list-oriented.
October 2022:
*4.5 stars*
"God has a wonderful plan for our words."
The first half is especially helpful in establishing the War of Words as a battle for sovereignty over our lives. Tripp has many great examples from all his counseling over the years and many will stick with me. It took me a few months to read this, I took it slow to digest and hopefully apply the concepts. He addresses first and foremost our hearts before getting to the practical applications at the very end.
The conflict resolution part isn't as in-depth or helpful as The Peacemaker, but this is still a great resource for how to be Godly in using your words.
November 16, 2016
Good things to say, but felt repetitive. I found The Peacemaker by Ken Sande to be more helpful as far as conflict resolution goes. As far as "communication struggles" goes, this book had good stuff, but didn't really cover much of communication struggles other than having angry and self focused words...
December 17, 2018
"Increíble libro! Paul Tripp es de mis autores preferidos, este libro debería ser leído por todos aquellos que desean hablar de manera redentora y para comunicar el llamado amoroso de Dios a un mundo que solo piensa en sí mismo. ¡Somos sus embajadores!"
April 28, 2020
War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles by Paul David Tripp is a beautifully written book that shows us the importance of words and how they are used. It is rooted deeply in the scriptures and would be a profitable read for any believer—given that we are all sinners who struggle with our words. Tripp writes about how God has a plan for our words but sin has altered the way we speak. However, God did not leave us to fight that hopeless war in our own strength. The author says that “in Christ Jesus we find the grace that provides all that we need to speak as God has planned. The Bible plainly and simply teaches us how to get from where we are to where God wants us to be.”(5) The book challenged my tendency to blame the external influences for my sinful words rather than acknowledging the sin in my heart that really caused them.
Tripp starts the book by saying that “you do not understand the significance of words until you realise that the first words that human ears ever heard were not the words of another human being, but the words of God! The value of every piece of human communication is rooted in the fact that God speaks.”(8) In Genesis, when God created, He spoke. The fact that God speaks and that He made us to speak should blow our minds. He designed words and He made them to be good and to be a way of glorifying Himself. When God sent Jesus into the world he sent him as “the Word [who] became flesh and dwelt among us!” (John 1:14) God’s message to the world has always been one of words, written in the Bible and spoken through his people.
The problem is that since the fall we have been, and always will be, at war with our words. Tripp explains that since sin has come into the world “our words now divide, deceive, and destroy.”(30) This is because, as Jesus said, “out of the abundance of the heart [the] mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) Or as Tripp puts it, “An idolatrous heart will produce idol words.”(56) And again, “Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.”(59) The reason for our sinful words and the conflict they bring is because we are putting something other than God first in our heart. Our hearts have been corrupted and don’t work the way God designed. If God was first in our hearts, our words would be honouring Him and totally loving Him which would then flow out into loving our neighbours. “The Word would not have come to our world if our struggle were primarily a struggle of flesh and blood. The problem with our words is an intensely spiritual one, a problem with the human heart.”(37)
When I speak impatiently to my family, it is not because I am tired or stressed. It is because my heart is full of sin. If the sin was not in my heart, it would not come out in my words to other people. “Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us do not make us say what we say; they are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words.”(55) This is why James calls us adulterous people when we fight and quarrel. Because we are putting our desires in the place only God should have in our hearts. With our tongue “we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.” (James 3:9) Such ungodliness can only come out in our words if it is already in our hearts to begin with.
Although our hearts are full of this sin and our nature tells us not to honour God or give thanks to Him as He deserves, we are not in a hopeless situation.
We can change our words! Jesus is the answer to our communication struggles. In 2 Peter it says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him.” (2 Peter 1:3) God has already given everything we need for our words to be ones that honour Him! This means that I do not have to despair. I can change the way I speak because His Spirit is in my heart. “The war of words always reveals a deeper war.”(185) This war is a war over who will rule our hearts, and God is fighting for us. While we are still in this body there will always be a battle against our sin, but we are no longer enslaved to it.
God’s plan for our words is that they would represent Him. We are called to speak the gospel and to be His ambassadors to the world and to each other. As Paul writes to the Corinthians,
He says that God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. Tripp writes that we should see each conflict, each time we become aware of the sin of another, as an opportunity to be God’s representative to them and an agent of His grace and sanctification in their life. It is more important that they be reconciled to God than that they be reconciled to you—although that is important too. As it says in Hebrews, “exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:12���13) Sin is in all of our hearts and we need our brothers and sisters to speak words that will exhort us to put it to death. Without this exhortation, sin will slowly harden our hearts and could eventually cause us to fall away from God. I know this to be true of my own heart. We need to remember the work of God’s grace in our own hearts so that when we rebuke and exhort our fellow believers, we are speaking from a place where we acknowledge our own weakness and need of God’s constant help. “From here I can speak out of a sense of my own need and a deep appreciation for the work of Christ. I will not see myself as essentially different from you. I will recognize that God is not only working on you, but he is also working on me.”(196) This allows us to work on our own hearts first so we are in the right place to help our brothers and sisters.
The author writes from a place of humility—not writing because he is an expert, but because it is an issue we all struggle with—himself included—and all need to learn more about. This book challenges the reader to rethink the way they deal with conflict and their words. It shows how far we have fallen from God’s design for our words but gives the beautiful hope of the gospel and the change that can come into our lives through that. In War of Words Tripp gives the encouraging reminder that “God has a wonderful plan for our words that is far better than anything we could come up with on our own.”(132)
Tripp starts the book by saying that “you do not understand the significance of words until you realise that the first words that human ears ever heard were not the words of another human being, but the words of God! The value of every piece of human communication is rooted in the fact that God speaks.”(8) In Genesis, when God created, He spoke. The fact that God speaks and that He made us to speak should blow our minds. He designed words and He made them to be good and to be a way of glorifying Himself. When God sent Jesus into the world he sent him as “the Word [who] became flesh and dwelt among us!” (John 1:14) God’s message to the world has always been one of words, written in the Bible and spoken through his people.
The problem is that since the fall we have been, and always will be, at war with our words. Tripp explains that since sin has come into the world “our words now divide, deceive, and destroy.”(30) This is because, as Jesus said, “out of the abundance of the heart [the] mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) Or as Tripp puts it, “An idolatrous heart will produce idol words.”(56) And again, “Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.”(59) The reason for our sinful words and the conflict they bring is because we are putting something other than God first in our heart. Our hearts have been corrupted and don’t work the way God designed. If God was first in our hearts, our words would be honouring Him and totally loving Him which would then flow out into loving our neighbours. “The Word would not have come to our world if our struggle were primarily a struggle of flesh and blood. The problem with our words is an intensely spiritual one, a problem with the human heart.”(37)
When I speak impatiently to my family, it is not because I am tired or stressed. It is because my heart is full of sin. If the sin was not in my heart, it would not come out in my words to other people. “Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us do not make us say what we say; they are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words.”(55) This is why James calls us adulterous people when we fight and quarrel. Because we are putting our desires in the place only God should have in our hearts. With our tongue “we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.” (James 3:9) Such ungodliness can only come out in our words if it is already in our hearts to begin with.
Although our hearts are full of this sin and our nature tells us not to honour God or give thanks to Him as He deserves, we are not in a hopeless situation.
“I cannot love my enemies. I cannot do good to those who mistreat me. I cannot be patient in the face of provocation. I cannot honour when I am dishonoured. I cannot leave vengeance to the Lord. I cannot find delight in self-sacrificing service. I cannot speak softly in the face of another’s anger. I am not naturally kind, compassionate, gentle, or forgiving. The standard is too high and the calling is too great for me to fulfill. But that is why Jesus came. In him we really do find everything we need!
The Gospel is the soil in which real repentance grows. Its promises make me willing to face my sin and give me the strength to turn from it. Real hope for change is found in Christ! Repentance is built on that foundation.”(180-181)
We can change our words! Jesus is the answer to our communication struggles. In 2 Peter it says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him.” (2 Peter 1:3) God has already given everything we need for our words to be ones that honour Him! This means that I do not have to despair. I can change the way I speak because His Spirit is in my heart. “The war of words always reveals a deeper war.”(185) This war is a war over who will rule our hearts, and God is fighting for us. While we are still in this body there will always be a battle against our sin, but we are no longer enslaved to it.
God’s plan for our words is that they would represent Him. We are called to speak the gospel and to be His ambassadors to the world and to each other. As Paul writes to the Corinthians,
“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20)
He says that God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. Tripp writes that we should see each conflict, each time we become aware of the sin of another, as an opportunity to be God’s representative to them and an agent of His grace and sanctification in their life. It is more important that they be reconciled to God than that they be reconciled to you—although that is important too. As it says in Hebrews, “exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:12���13) Sin is in all of our hearts and we need our brothers and sisters to speak words that will exhort us to put it to death. Without this exhortation, sin will slowly harden our hearts and could eventually cause us to fall away from God. I know this to be true of my own heart. We need to remember the work of God’s grace in our own hearts so that when we rebuke and exhort our fellow believers, we are speaking from a place where we acknowledge our own weakness and need of God’s constant help. “From here I can speak out of a sense of my own need and a deep appreciation for the work of Christ. I will not see myself as essentially different from you. I will recognize that God is not only working on you, but he is also working on me.”(196) This allows us to work on our own hearts first so we are in the right place to help our brothers and sisters.
The author writes from a place of humility—not writing because he is an expert, but because it is an issue we all struggle with—himself included—and all need to learn more about. This book challenges the reader to rethink the way they deal with conflict and their words. It shows how far we have fallen from God’s design for our words but gives the beautiful hope of the gospel and the change that can come into our lives through that. In War of Words Tripp gives the encouraging reminder that “God has a wonderful plan for our words that is far better than anything we could come up with on our own.”(132)
April 21, 2021
Yes, Tripp is repetitive in this book, for each chapter considers "God's plan, our sin, His grace, and Scripture's map." There are no quick and easy steps given for godly communication, and the journey through these chapters can sometimes be painful and tedious. Getting to the heart of any sinful matter usually is. But, Tripp's book is worth the time and patience and repetition. It's a rich Gospel-centered look at the war of words that we're all fighting. It's a gold mine of Scriptural truths and godly wisdom that, by God's grace, is truly life-changing.
January 6, 2024
Excellent! I used this book in counseling, but I needed it as much as my friend. Quintessential Tripp. As with all of his books, there is a bit of repetition, but it's so good that you don't mind.
May 18, 2023
Wow, the heart of words runs deep. Such a great book and one to reread! Very convicting!
January 14, 2024
Great read on the importance of our words and how Christ, grace, and others should lead our conversations daily.
January 25, 2024
Very meaningful and useful. "Whatever or whoever rules our hearts will control the words we speak" (82).
August 10, 2023
Not a book about communication technics and skills but rather the story of the great war for our hearts that is the root of our difficulties and battles with words.
The tongue will serve the master that already rules our heart. The book lays out our ambassadorial call to surrender back to God our words for His redemptive purposes.
The tongue will serve the master that already rules our heart. The book lays out our ambassadorial call to surrender back to God our words for His redemptive purposes.
November 6, 2014
Giving this four stars because I think what it has to say is very eye-opening and true. The first few chapters are just trying to convince you that words are important, and I felt like that was unnecessary because duh, I'm sitting here reading a book about improving my communication, obviously I think words are important. But he goes on to describe what ought to be the motivation behind our speech -- we have to go beyond the knee-jerk "I want to win" reaction that's our default, and think about it for two more seconds to realize what we REALLY want, which is the best for the person we're talking to and ourself. So if our end goal was always to lift up and encourage the other person to be their best possible self, we would approach the language we use very differently. I think this helps to table-set and get your mind straight before going into a conversation. Also, the pitfalls Tripp points out resonate with me. He feels that in confrontations most people either blow up and get defensive / yelly, or clam up and never bring it up again. I'm the latter, not out of fear or laziness, but out of deciding a long time ago "Hey, I'm never going to sit around trying to convince someone to change their opinion, or to help me or love me or hang out with me. Life is too short." And I stand by that and think it was right 90% of the time. Why be obsessed that someone see things your way? But it probably also caused me to miss my responsibility to speak truth (gently) to people close to me, because I would just fold and back away as soon as anything got heated. So that's something for me to think about changing as I move forward. My only parting complaint was that I think he tries to wrap this technique up in a little bow, like "If you beat back your pride and just speak like this and this to a person, they will immediately soften too and ta-da, progress occurs! Good job." There could be another chapter called "What if this doesn't work?" But you know, books can't solve all things.
November 23, 2018
Book #4 on my reading streak with my mum. This contains some super helpful insights into words and why we speak the way we do and how to change how we speak to glorify God. Probably the biggest insight/challenge I took away from this book is that you speak from your heart. Whatever is in your heart is going to come out of your mouth. And that's why a heart-change is necessary before you can do any speech-change. 4* instead of 5 because I found it slightly repetitive at times and a bit hard to follow, but that may have been because it was listening to it read to me rather than reading it myself. Overall a very good book!
December 15, 2023
This was a good read. Not over the top, but still has some great tidbits.
Highlights:
- Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses.
- Words are not cheap. They reveal, design, explain, and shape.
- Every word we speak must be up to God’s standards.
- Commit yourself to the work of change.
- Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us don’t make us say what we say. They are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal itself in words.
- A desire battles for control until it becomes a demand. The demand gets expressed and experienced as a need. The sense of need set up an expectation. When unfulfilled, the expectation leads to disappointment. Disappointment leads to punishment.
- Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.
- We need to consider our own heart problems before pointing out that of others.
- The steps of repentance are consideration, confession, commitment, and change.
- Attributes for redemptive speaking include compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, love, and peace.
Questions to ask yourself about talk:
1. Does your talk with others lead to Biblical problem solving?
2. Does your talk have a stand together or a me against him/her/them posture?
3. Do your words encourage others to be open and honest about their thoughts and feelings?
4. Are you approachable and teachable or defensive and self-protective when talking with others?
5. Is your communication healthy in the principal relationships in your life?
6. Does your talk encourage faith and personal, spiritual growth in those around you?
7. Do you talk with others to develop relationships with them or do you only talk to solve problems in times of trouble?
8. Do you speak humble and honest words of confession when you sin and words of sincere forgiveness when others sin against you?
9. Do your words reflect a willingness to serve others or a demand that they serve you?
10. As you face the struggles of talk, do you do so with a recognition of the gospel, God’s forgiveness, His enabling grace, and the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit?
For confession:
1. Are there places where your words challenge the authority of God, seeking to take wrongful control, speaking words of condemnation, punishing others with words, undermining the authority of God-appointed leaders, or grumbling and complaining about the situations God has ordained for your life?
2. Do your words reveal places where you have bought into an interpretation of life that is different from the Lord’s?
3. Has your communication been infected with Satan’s lie that the things you need for life can be found outside of Christ?
For reflection of blame:
1. Do you tend to blame your negative communications on situations?
2. Do you tend to blame others?
3. Do you tend to blame God?
Highlights:
- Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses.
- Words are not cheap. They reveal, design, explain, and shape.
- Every word we speak must be up to God’s standards.
- Commit yourself to the work of change.
- Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us don’t make us say what we say. They are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal itself in words.
- A desire battles for control until it becomes a demand. The demand gets expressed and experienced as a need. The sense of need set up an expectation. When unfulfilled, the expectation leads to disappointment. Disappointment leads to punishment.
- Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.
- We need to consider our own heart problems before pointing out that of others.
- The steps of repentance are consideration, confession, commitment, and change.
- Attributes for redemptive speaking include compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, love, and peace.
Questions to ask yourself about talk:
1. Does your talk with others lead to Biblical problem solving?
2. Does your talk have a stand together or a me against him/her/them posture?
3. Do your words encourage others to be open and honest about their thoughts and feelings?
4. Are you approachable and teachable or defensive and self-protective when talking with others?
5. Is your communication healthy in the principal relationships in your life?
6. Does your talk encourage faith and personal, spiritual growth in those around you?
7. Do you talk with others to develop relationships with them or do you only talk to solve problems in times of trouble?
8. Do you speak humble and honest words of confession when you sin and words of sincere forgiveness when others sin against you?
9. Do your words reflect a willingness to serve others or a demand that they serve you?
10. As you face the struggles of talk, do you do so with a recognition of the gospel, God’s forgiveness, His enabling grace, and the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit?
For confession:
1. Are there places where your words challenge the authority of God, seeking to take wrongful control, speaking words of condemnation, punishing others with words, undermining the authority of God-appointed leaders, or grumbling and complaining about the situations God has ordained for your life?
2. Do your words reveal places where you have bought into an interpretation of life that is different from the Lord’s?
3. Has your communication been infected with Satan’s lie that the things you need for life can be found outside of Christ?
For reflection of blame:
1. Do you tend to blame your negative communications on situations?
2. Do you tend to blame others?
3. Do you tend to blame God?
December 21, 2020
"Every word we speak must be up to God's standard and according to his design. They should echo the Great Speaker and reflect his glory. Talk was created by God for his purpose. Our words belong to Him" "Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us do not make us say what we say; they are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words."
"I realized that how I handle situations- what I say- is very important. Either I am taking control and handling things in the way that seems best to me, or I am responding in a way that makes me part of what God wants to do through the circumstance. We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships. Before we speak, we need to ask ourselves what the Redeemer wants to accomplish in the situation, and we need to be committed to be a part of it."
One of the best books I have read this year. I was looking for a book on communication as a believer and this was an answer to that request. PDT reminds us that its not about more communication lessons, more conflict management techniques, etc but the struggle with communication is a heart issue. He gives questions to reflect on at the end of each chapter that are really helpful to process what you have just read. He gives relatable examples from his own life/struggle with communication and stories from the people he counsels. He walks through scripture as well as questions to ask yourself/tips to follow that may aid to the Lord healing this area in your life. He walks through the way the Lord designed our words to be used, how the fall tainted that, and how we see that play out today. He reminds the reader that this struggle will always exist on this side of eternity and because we will never achieve perfection it shows our great need for the Lord in the War against Words. HIGHLY recommend this book to any believer and highly recommend it to anyone who struggles to take control/captive their words.
"I realized that how I handle situations- what I say- is very important. Either I am taking control and handling things in the way that seems best to me, or I am responding in a way that makes me part of what God wants to do through the circumstance. We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships. Before we speak, we need to ask ourselves what the Redeemer wants to accomplish in the situation, and we need to be committed to be a part of it."
One of the best books I have read this year. I was looking for a book on communication as a believer and this was an answer to that request. PDT reminds us that its not about more communication lessons, more conflict management techniques, etc but the struggle with communication is a heart issue. He gives questions to reflect on at the end of each chapter that are really helpful to process what you have just read. He gives relatable examples from his own life/struggle with communication and stories from the people he counsels. He walks through scripture as well as questions to ask yourself/tips to follow that may aid to the Lord healing this area in your life. He walks through the way the Lord designed our words to be used, how the fall tainted that, and how we see that play out today. He reminds the reader that this struggle will always exist on this side of eternity and because we will never achieve perfection it shows our great need for the Lord in the War against Words. HIGHLY recommend this book to any believer and highly recommend it to anyone who struggles to take control/captive their words.
November 6, 2023
“God has given our words significance. He has ordained them to be important. Words were significant at creation and at the Fall.”
“Word problems are always related to heart problems. Examining where we have trouble with our talk will reveal what is ruling our hearts.”
-“…for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
Luke 6:45 ESV
-““But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”
Matthew 15:18 ESV
“God is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of his Son.”
We read in scripture that God cares about our words, gives instruction for how to use words and that we’ll be held accountable for our words. This is something I’ve long felt convicted of without having the specific references as to why.
My speech in one arena might look different than my speech in another arena- on the grounds of integrity this bothered me, but I couldn’t fully articulate why this would matter to God. “He cares about the heart after all!” Ah, but according to his word our speech offers a front row view to the condition and affections of our heart.
From the beginning of creation and significance of words, to trials, conflict resolution and the “how and why” of choosing our words Paul Tripp presents a biblical view on words.
A good read for anyone desiring to communicate more clearly in a way that represents God and renders him glory.
I appreciated the personal reflection questions at the end of each chapter though I felt this book could have been trimmed down significantly it was convicting and applicable.
“Word problems are always related to heart problems. Examining where we have trouble with our talk will reveal what is ruling our hearts.”
-“…for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
Luke 6:45 ESV
-““But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”
Matthew 15:18 ESV
“God is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of his Son.”
We read in scripture that God cares about our words, gives instruction for how to use words and that we’ll be held accountable for our words. This is something I’ve long felt convicted of without having the specific references as to why.
My speech in one arena might look different than my speech in another arena- on the grounds of integrity this bothered me, but I couldn’t fully articulate why this would matter to God. “He cares about the heart after all!” Ah, but according to his word our speech offers a front row view to the condition and affections of our heart.
From the beginning of creation and significance of words, to trials, conflict resolution and the “how and why” of choosing our words Paul Tripp presents a biblical view on words.
A good read for anyone desiring to communicate more clearly in a way that represents God and renders him glory.
I appreciated the personal reflection questions at the end of each chapter though I felt this book could have been trimmed down significantly it was convicting and applicable.
March 19, 2024
Great points but quite repetitive at times.
“This means letting go of any hope that we can produce change. You and I don't produce change in others; it is always the result of God's power and grace at work. So we let go of human demands. We don't try to impress people with how much we know or how much we've experienced. We don't try to force change by manipulation. We don't seek to get results with a loud voice or inflammatory words. We won't bribe, bargain, or make deals. We won't seek to get responses by guilt, condemnation, or judgment. We don't trust in our airtight arguments. We recognize that if these things could bring lasting change to the human heart, Christ would never have come to suffer and die. The most important encounter in personal ministry is not people's encounter with us, but their encounter with him. We are simply called to set up that encounter.”
“This means letting go of any hope that we can produce change. You and I don't produce change in others; it is always the result of God's power and grace at work. So we let go of human demands. We don't try to impress people with how much we know or how much we've experienced. We don't try to force change by manipulation. We don't seek to get results with a loud voice or inflammatory words. We won't bribe, bargain, or make deals. We won't seek to get responses by guilt, condemnation, or judgment. We don't trust in our airtight arguments. We recognize that if these things could bring lasting change to the human heart, Christ would never have come to suffer and die. The most important encounter in personal ministry is not people's encounter with us, but their encounter with him. We are simply called to set up that encounter.”
March 26, 2024
Tripp's War of Words acts as a succinct introduction to the purpose, misuse, and redemption of human communication. The whole work acts on the presumption that hurtful, selfish, and manipulative speech is ultimately a result of a misaligned heart as opposed to one's circumstances. This is true, but the book's primary drive is not an exhortation to "just stop it." Instead, Tripp focuses on how the Gospel seeks to redeem one's words; words that were originally intended to bring praise, honor, and glory to the God who gave the gift of words in the first place.
While not ground-breakingly profound, this book still acts as a phenomenal resource for the church that should not be underutilized. Whether it is used for counseling or as a mere recommendation, Tripp's War of Words is worth a visit.
While not ground-breakingly profound, this book still acts as a phenomenal resource for the church that should not be underutilized. Whether it is used for counseling or as a mere recommendation, Tripp's War of Words is worth a visit.
December 12, 2022
I cannot overemphasize how helpful this book has been to me. I’ve known many Bible verses about speech for years but couldn’t figure out how to have sustainable growth in wise and discerning and helpful speech. I constantly wrestled with regret, fear, and feeling lost in the area of communication, and this book came to the rescue! It starts with the big picture of how everything we do fits into God’s plan and our identity in Christ. So it gives that framework and then shows throughout the rest of the book how this new agenda and identity changes our speech and relationships. I’ve been longing for a resource like this for at least 12 years! I would highly recommend this book as required reading for premarital counseling.
September 30, 2021
The title really says it all. This book helps the reader process through understanding the reason for human struggle with words. Tripp skillfully uses the Bible as a map to understand the historical narrative and even gives multiple counseling/pastoral examples for ourselves. Lastly, the reflections questions at the end of every chapter really help the reader draw out the struggle and plan to engage the problem of the heart: sin.
Great read and a great resource for anyone wanting to start with self-counseling and to help counsel others to live in God's design for communication.
Great read and a great resource for anyone wanting to start with self-counseling and to help counsel others to live in God's design for communication.
October 1, 2020
I read this book over the space of a year and a half for our Men's Bible Study. As always, Tripp does an excellent job with practical theology, ably applying scripture to (in this case) our tongues and the way we speak. Biblically-built. Heart-engaging. God-glorifying.
October 31, 2023
This was a book I didn’t think would really apply much to me, and realized it very much does! It’s all about communicating with others in a godly way and recognizing our own sin in the way we talk. While I think it would be particularly helpful for those in a marriage or family context, I think Tripp’s wisdom is highly applicable to all.
October 11, 2021
Pretty good. Application questions we great. First third of the book was great. A bit repetitive at the end.
July 19, 2023
Wow, so much truth packed into this book! 10/10 read
November 19, 2023
I started this years ago actually and just finished! This is a must read
March 14, 2024
Made me think of the reasons of how the tongue is such a powerful thing. The ability to hurt and to comfort, or the ability to speak evil or good. The mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Tripp has a way with words and talks about what we all experience and helps you reflect on how you talk and how that affects others and yourself. Always focusing back to Christ, and I commend him for that.
October 22, 2015
One of those books that are not meant to be superficially practical (it is not a how-to guide on communication) and yet leaves you wanting to radically reform the way you "do" talk to people. The book lives up to its tagline: "getting to the heart of your communication struggles" and Tripp does a good job poking at that heart (mine especially) of the issue.
As and after I read this book, I realised that I need to learn to talk all over again. Our parents and teachers taught us the alphabet and rules of grammar, and we thank God for them, but they seldom taught us about the power in our words. Indeed, as the Bible clearly reminds us, the power of life and death is in the tongue. Yet this truth has never been clearer than it was as I read this book.
We were made to (among other things) talk. Our ability to speak as human beings is one of the unique aspects of our being that is evidence of being made in the image of God. We were created by a God who talks and He made us to talk. But our talk, like everything else about us, must be about God. It must be about our Father's business.
But sin has distorted our talk, and now what was once meant to build is bent on destroying. Death, rather than life, seems to rule our talk, and the self, rather than God, has become the benefactor of all our words. We speak to make ourselves look good, or at least better than others.
Our words need redeeming. But the redemption must begin not in changing our vocabulary but in changing the heart of the speaker. Tripp clearly presents the gospel as the solution. Jesus lived, suffered, died and was resurrected to redeem us from the bondage of sin and reconcile us to God. We are redeemed and called to redeem our world of words.
The book is a rather long read and some of the points felt a bit repetitive. But as I read it I realised the principles therein apply to many aspects of our lives other than communication. You may simply replace the word "Words" in the title with "Thoughts", "Music", "Relationships" and still get the message home.
In other words, Dr Tripp has delivered more than he promised in this book, and for this, I am grateful I read it.
Highly recommended.
As and after I read this book, I realised that I need to learn to talk all over again. Our parents and teachers taught us the alphabet and rules of grammar, and we thank God for them, but they seldom taught us about the power in our words. Indeed, as the Bible clearly reminds us, the power of life and death is in the tongue. Yet this truth has never been clearer than it was as I read this book.
We were made to (among other things) talk. Our ability to speak as human beings is one of the unique aspects of our being that is evidence of being made in the image of God. We were created by a God who talks and He made us to talk. But our talk, like everything else about us, must be about God. It must be about our Father's business.
But sin has distorted our talk, and now what was once meant to build is bent on destroying. Death, rather than life, seems to rule our talk, and the self, rather than God, has become the benefactor of all our words. We speak to make ourselves look good, or at least better than others.
Our words need redeeming. But the redemption must begin not in changing our vocabulary but in changing the heart of the speaker. Tripp clearly presents the gospel as the solution. Jesus lived, suffered, died and was resurrected to redeem us from the bondage of sin and reconcile us to God. We are redeemed and called to redeem our world of words.
The book is a rather long read and some of the points felt a bit repetitive. But as I read it I realised the principles therein apply to many aspects of our lives other than communication. You may simply replace the word "Words" in the title with "Thoughts", "Music", "Relationships" and still get the message home.
In other words, Dr Tripp has delivered more than he promised in this book, and for this, I am grateful I read it.
Highly recommended.
October 7, 2020
As you would expect from Paul David Tripp, he does a thourough job of exploring every nook and cranny of the subject before him. While this is not a quick or even an easy read, it is comprehensive and very practical in the many applications made from the Bible.
Almost every sphere of life is tounched upon in his evaluation of how our words are expressive of our relationship with the Lord. This book gives valuable insights into why we do and say the things we do. Equally, it provides realistic solution for difficulties which often go unanswered.
Almost every sphere of life is tounched upon in his evaluation of how our words are expressive of our relationship with the Lord. This book gives valuable insights into why we do and say the things we do. Equally, it provides realistic solution for difficulties which often go unanswered.
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