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Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ's Control
Very few books on dating have stood the test of time like Passion and Purity. Its much-needed message remains strong and hopeful in an age when doing whatever "feels right" is common practice. Using her own life as an example, Elisabeth Elliot guides singles of both genders and of any age on how to put their love lives under the authority of Jesus Christ.
Passion and Purity covers dating issues such as:
•how to know which person is the right one to marry
•loving passionately while remaining sexually pure
•the man's and woman's role in relationships
•putting God's desires ahead of personal desires
•how far is too far, physically
This best-selling book now has a new cover, an updated interior design, and a foreword from popular author Joshua Harris. Quest for Love will be redesigned in a similar manner to help readers identify the books as a pair. While Passion and Purity shares the love story of Elisabeth and Jim, Quest for Love is a compilation of stories on how other men and women discovered love through God's direction. Together, these two remarkable books accentuate our need to commit daily to Christ all matters of the heart and to wait on his timing.
Passion and Purity covers dating issues such as:
•how to know which person is the right one to marry
•loving passionately while remaining sexually pure
•the man's and woman's role in relationships
•putting God's desires ahead of personal desires
•how far is too far, physically
This best-selling book now has a new cover, an updated interior design, and a foreword from popular author Joshua Harris. Quest for Love will be redesigned in a similar manner to help readers identify the books as a pair. While Passion and Purity shares the love story of Elisabeth and Jim, Quest for Love is a compilation of stories on how other men and women discovered love through God's direction. Together, these two remarkable books accentuate our need to commit daily to Christ all matters of the heart and to wait on his timing.
192 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1984
About the author
Elisabeth Elliot
126 books1,915 followersFrom the Author's Web Site: My parents were missionaries in Belgium where I was born. When I was a few months old, we came to the U.S. and lived in Germantown, not far from Philadelphia, where my father became an editor of the Sunday School Times. Some of my contemporaries may remember the publication which was used by hundreds of churches for their weekly unified Sunday School teaching materials.
Our family continued to live in Philadelphia and then in New Jersey until I left home to attend Wheaton College. By that time, the family had increased to four brothers and one sister. My studies in classical Greek would one day enable me to work in the area of unwritten languages to develop a form of writing.
A year after I went to Ecuador, Jim Elliot, whom I had met at Wheaton, also entered tribal areas with the Quichua Indians. In nineteen fifty three we were married in the city of Quito and continued our work together. Jim had always hoped to have the opportunity to enter the territory of an unreached tribe. The Aucas were in that category -- a fierce group whom no one had succeeded in meeting without being killed. After the discovery of their whereabouts, Jim and four other missionaries entered Auca territory. After a friendly contact with three of the tribe, they were speared to death.
Our daughter Valerie was 10 months old when Jim was killed. I continued working with the Quichua Indians when, through a remarkable providence, I met two Auca women who lived with me for one year. They were the key to my going in to live with the tribe that had killed the five missionaries. I remained there for two years.
After having worked for two years with the Aucas, I returned to the Quichua work and remained there until 1963 when Valerie and I returned to the U.S.
Since then, my life has been one of writing and speaking. It also included, in 1969, a marriage to Addison Leitch, professor of theology at Gordon Conwell Seminary in Massachusetts. He died in 1973. After his death I had two lodgers in my home. One of them married my daughter, the other one, Lars Gren, married me. Since then we have worked together.
Our family continued to live in Philadelphia and then in New Jersey until I left home to attend Wheaton College. By that time, the family had increased to four brothers and one sister. My studies in classical Greek would one day enable me to work in the area of unwritten languages to develop a form of writing.
A year after I went to Ecuador, Jim Elliot, whom I had met at Wheaton, also entered tribal areas with the Quichua Indians. In nineteen fifty three we were married in the city of Quito and continued our work together. Jim had always hoped to have the opportunity to enter the territory of an unreached tribe. The Aucas were in that category -- a fierce group whom no one had succeeded in meeting without being killed. After the discovery of their whereabouts, Jim and four other missionaries entered Auca territory. After a friendly contact with three of the tribe, they were speared to death.
Our daughter Valerie was 10 months old when Jim was killed. I continued working with the Quichua Indians when, through a remarkable providence, I met two Auca women who lived with me for one year. They were the key to my going in to live with the tribe that had killed the five missionaries. I remained there for two years.
After having worked for two years with the Aucas, I returned to the Quichua work and remained there until 1963 when Valerie and I returned to the U.S.
Since then, my life has been one of writing and speaking. It also included, in 1969, a marriage to Addison Leitch, professor of theology at Gordon Conwell Seminary in Massachusetts. He died in 1973. After his death I had two lodgers in my home. One of them married my daughter, the other one, Lars Gren, married me. Since then we have worked together.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 738 reviews
May 30, 2011
This is my second time reading this. In my first attempt, I think I had zero interest...this time, it's with a spirit of brokenness that opened my heart to what Elisabeth Elliot has to say about love and relationship.
Some said that her standards are too high... perhaps that's how purity is; it's either achieved or not at all.
What if that just how HIGH God's standard is anyway? What if it is meant to be possible for every single one of us?
If you already have in mind what love is all about - there is not point reading it. Read it; because you are truly looking for solid christ-centred principles that'll stand you in good stead, in faith, in life and in love.
Some said that her standards are too high... perhaps that's how purity is; it's either achieved or not at all.
What if that just how HIGH God's standard is anyway? What if it is meant to be possible for every single one of us?
If you already have in mind what love is all about - there is not point reading it. Read it; because you are truly looking for solid christ-centred principles that'll stand you in good stead, in faith, in life and in love.
December 28, 2021
Every young person should read this book. Like, seriously. ❤️
March 17, 2008
What a breath of fresh air. In a society plagued with hedonism an earnest Christian can find great difficulty in knowing how to find a spouse. Between this book and Joshua Harris' " I Kissed Dating Goodbye" it became a relief to know that I was not alone in my disapproval for post-modern romance.
May 28, 2020
This book is HORRIFIC.
Elliot has the audacity to attribute her own, dangerously flawed views on issues of consent and romance to the SAVIOR OF THE WORLD. Among the LESS serious problems with the book, she asserts that men should always be the initiators, that women are naturally and should always be passive, that holding hands and leaning shoulder to shoulder (even during engagement!) was "going too far." Yet, she was perfectly fine with her fiance sending her a female porn-like letter one would more likely belief came from 50 Shades of Grey than a purportedly conservative Christian book:
"Oh, to be able to take you, darling, and do as I have dreamed of doing with those clothes of yours, and really feel the clean flesh of your beautiful long legs against the broadness of my own. Thunder of Deep Heaven! What gasping bliss that would be tonight..... I long to fondle you tonight, Betts, and whisper that I love you ..."
Most horribly, Elliot refers to RAPE within marriage as GOOD by praising arranged marriages:
"There is not much likelihood that our society will ever consent to arranged marriages. We are stuck with our ill-defined system."
Let me be clear: Arranged marriage is NOT, as Elliot would have us believe, a romantic relic of the past.
ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS RAPE.
ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS HUMAN TRAFFICKING.
And, for those of you who don't know, arranged marriage is STILL HAPPENING to countless innocents across every race and religion.
I pray this book will fall out of popularity, and I pray God's forgiveness for Elliot for propagating these anti-Christ views in Christ's name.
Elliot has the audacity to attribute her own, dangerously flawed views on issues of consent and romance to the SAVIOR OF THE WORLD. Among the LESS serious problems with the book, she asserts that men should always be the initiators, that women are naturally and should always be passive, that holding hands and leaning shoulder to shoulder (even during engagement!) was "going too far." Yet, she was perfectly fine with her fiance sending her a female porn-like letter one would more likely belief came from 50 Shades of Grey than a purportedly conservative Christian book:
"Oh, to be able to take you, darling, and do as I have dreamed of doing with those clothes of yours, and really feel the clean flesh of your beautiful long legs against the broadness of my own. Thunder of Deep Heaven! What gasping bliss that would be tonight..... I long to fondle you tonight, Betts, and whisper that I love you ..."
Most horribly, Elliot refers to RAPE within marriage as GOOD by praising arranged marriages:
"There is not much likelihood that our society will ever consent to arranged marriages. We are stuck with our ill-defined system."
Let me be clear: Arranged marriage is NOT, as Elliot would have us believe, a romantic relic of the past.
ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS RAPE.
ARRANGED MARRIAGE IS HUMAN TRAFFICKING.
And, for those of you who don't know, arranged marriage is STILL HAPPENING to countless innocents across every race and religion.
I pray this book will fall out of popularity, and I pray God's forgiveness for Elliot for propagating these anti-Christ views in Christ's name.
August 24, 2018
This is definitely the only book of this sort I've ever read twice, let alone binge-read twice. The personal anecdotes and plethora of diary, song, and Scripture quotations make it that much richer. For me, this book provides a foundation for why I live the way I do and acknowledges that it's hard to do so! The nice thing is, you're not just being preached at. The author understands--she struggled, overcame (but not without things she wished they'd done differently), and now she's sharing her story. Purity is so much more than not having sex before marriage, and passion is not a bad thing. I'll be returning to this one again and again (probably even long into marriage) because of its stark reality and the encouragement to always put God first, whether you're the man or the woman. This book is needed now more than ever.
I highly recommend this for boys and girls of appropriate ages alike. I found this book to be most relevant at ages 16+
I highly recommend this for boys and girls of appropriate ages alike. I found this book to be most relevant at ages 16+
February 3, 2011
Good message, but I disagree with details. I think Elliot's overall message is good and true. As a single-but-waiting-on-the-Lord 29-year-old, I agree with the ideas of waiting on His timing and leading. I also disagree with much of what goes on in modern relationships, and think it needs addressing. However, my issues with this book are that, first of all, Jim Elliot was rather pompus in his pursuit of Elisabeth. I hate saying that, since he was a martyr for the cause of Christ. Men are the spiritual leaders, and should initiate relationships, but they shouldn't abuse that. I felt Elisabeth was saying that a man has the right to treat a woman however he wants, and she has no right to even question him because he's the almighty man. Men are human too, and need to be held accountable for how they treat women. I was very badly "burned" by a boyfriend I had in college, and I called him to account for his treatment of me. I felt like I'd handled it correctly, and then a friend gave me this book. I felt very judged, as if Elisabeth were taking my x-boyfriend's side without even know us! Now, I also disagree with the feminist approach of women initiation. But I think there's a ballance, and Elisabeth is not at that ballanced point.
April 11, 2023
Even before reading this book I had the sneaking suspicion that Passion and Purity was not going to be among my favorite books. However, since I'm trying to read through and cull out books that we own, I wanted to give it a fair shake to make sure this was the case. The short story is that the book was worse than I had expected. I really didn't enjoy my time with it at all.
The long story about this book is that the book started out okay. The book mostly focuses on the relationship, if you can really call it that because it's very weird, between Elisabeth and Jim with some asides to give advice based on their relationship. It was kind of interesting to hear about their relationship, but at the same time their relationship is so bizarre and full of inconsistencies that it's hard to feel like they're a model to follow.
What do I mean by their relationship being bizarre and full of inconsistencies? It is bizarre for a bunch of different reasons. For starters its not exactly clear that they actually consider themselves "together" or not. Elisabeth seems to be holding out for him, but during this time he also goes off and dates and kisses other women even though he seems set on marrying Elisabeth (if he gets the okay from God which I'll get to later). It's just an odd setup from the beginning.
Add to this the fact that both are planning on going into missions and don't see each other for very long stretches of time, it just sets up a unique situation that I'm not sure that many people can really relate to. It's a strange relationship that has very unique circumstances so it's hard to really see them as this example to follow.
I've already mentioned one of the inconsistencies of their relationship. That is Jim's period of time where he dates and even kisses other women while leaving Elisabeth waiting. If that wasn't bad enough on its own this happens after telling Elisabeth that they shouldn't be too physical with each other. It's hypocrisy in its finest, and not necessarily a shining example. Which you know that's what grace is for, but with the tone of the book and even Jim's instruction to Elisabeth not really being super filled with grace it's a place the book's message falls flat on its face.
Another is closely associated with this, their relationship was supposed to be this beacon of purity, but many of Jim's letters were rather focused on the physical attraction he held for Elisabeth. Which just seemed counterproductive to the message of the book. It's like it is saying it's okay to think about these things and dwell on them for long periods of time, but not to do them or to actually just get married without needing the audible voice of God to give you the green light.
So yeah their relationship is just not exactly one I would look to and say hey I would want to build my relationship off of their example. It is not even a great example for what I would want my kids to follow.
I also haven't even started talking about stuff that I just straight up disagreed with in the book. The primary being this obsession with God giving permission to marry. I am fully behind seeking the will of God and taking ones time to decide if a man or women is of a godly nature to marry. However, the book takes this to a level that I felt was just unhealthy with Elisabeth waiting for God to give Jim the green light to marry her. I could be wrong, but reading it just felt like Jim was leading her on and making her jump through hoops and I'm not sure how much God really had to do with any of it. I say that particularly because you really don't see this method as the model for relationships anywhere in the Bible. While Paul does say it is better to not be married, he also adds that it is better to be married than to burn with lust and well I would say Jim fit that category.
The book is also full of garbage like men needing to be the ones who initiate and provide; and it basically equates stay-at-home dads to sinners. There are no deep justifications for this using scripture (besides a very surface presentation of the wives submit to your husbands passage), but there is an article she includes which says there have been no matriarchies, which seemed very out of place and having men and women be viewed as equal is not necessarily a matriarchy.
So while the book started out okay by the end it felt like a mess. I'm glad that everything worked out for them and they made it to marriage, even though it was tragically short lived due to Jim's death, but I don't really see much benefit from this book. She does have some points here and there that are worth thinking about, like how God does require us to wait and that purity and chastity are good virtues even today. However, I didn't really find much inspiring about their story and so much of how she views relationships, and the roles of men and women I just found plain wrong-headed so that the book's good points weren't worth the sum total of the book.
The long story about this book is that the book started out okay. The book mostly focuses on the relationship, if you can really call it that because it's very weird, between Elisabeth and Jim with some asides to give advice based on their relationship. It was kind of interesting to hear about their relationship, but at the same time their relationship is so bizarre and full of inconsistencies that it's hard to feel like they're a model to follow.
What do I mean by their relationship being bizarre and full of inconsistencies? It is bizarre for a bunch of different reasons. For starters its not exactly clear that they actually consider themselves "together" or not. Elisabeth seems to be holding out for him, but during this time he also goes off and dates and kisses other women even though he seems set on marrying Elisabeth (if he gets the okay from God which I'll get to later). It's just an odd setup from the beginning.
Add to this the fact that both are planning on going into missions and don't see each other for very long stretches of time, it just sets up a unique situation that I'm not sure that many people can really relate to. It's a strange relationship that has very unique circumstances so it's hard to really see them as this example to follow.
I've already mentioned one of the inconsistencies of their relationship. That is Jim's period of time where he dates and even kisses other women while leaving Elisabeth waiting. If that wasn't bad enough on its own this happens after telling Elisabeth that they shouldn't be too physical with each other. It's hypocrisy in its finest, and not necessarily a shining example. Which you know that's what grace is for, but with the tone of the book and even Jim's instruction to Elisabeth not really being super filled with grace it's a place the book's message falls flat on its face.
Another is closely associated with this, their relationship was supposed to be this beacon of purity, but many of Jim's letters were rather focused on the physical attraction he held for Elisabeth. Which just seemed counterproductive to the message of the book. It's like it is saying it's okay to think about these things and dwell on them for long periods of time, but not to do them or to actually just get married without needing the audible voice of God to give you the green light.
So yeah their relationship is just not exactly one I would look to and say hey I would want to build my relationship off of their example. It is not even a great example for what I would want my kids to follow.
I also haven't even started talking about stuff that I just straight up disagreed with in the book. The primary being this obsession with God giving permission to marry. I am fully behind seeking the will of God and taking ones time to decide if a man or women is of a godly nature to marry. However, the book takes this to a level that I felt was just unhealthy with Elisabeth waiting for God to give Jim the green light to marry her. I could be wrong, but reading it just felt like Jim was leading her on and making her jump through hoops and I'm not sure how much God really had to do with any of it. I say that particularly because you really don't see this method as the model for relationships anywhere in the Bible. While Paul does say it is better to not be married, he also adds that it is better to be married than to burn with lust and well I would say Jim fit that category.
The book is also full of garbage like men needing to be the ones who initiate and provide; and it basically equates stay-at-home dads to sinners. There are no deep justifications for this using scripture (besides a very surface presentation of the wives submit to your husbands passage), but there is an article she includes which says there have been no matriarchies, which seemed very out of place and having men and women be viewed as equal is not necessarily a matriarchy.
So while the book started out okay by the end it felt like a mess. I'm glad that everything worked out for them and they made it to marriage, even though it was tragically short lived due to Jim's death, but I don't really see much benefit from this book. She does have some points here and there that are worth thinking about, like how God does require us to wait and that purity and chastity are good virtues even today. However, I didn't really find much inspiring about their story and so much of how she views relationships, and the roles of men and women I just found plain wrong-headed so that the book's good points weren't worth the sum total of the book.
March 8, 2017
{4.5 stars}
First thoughts: "Why haven't I read this book before now?" But then it dawned on me that I needed it NOW...it would not have had the same effect a few years ago.
Mid-way thoughts: "Honestly, no one can love like that." But then I realized that it is the pure kind of love and passion God expects of us.
Three-fourth thoughts: "Jim, just marry her for goodness sake!" I was really getting impatiant for them to get married, but then I had to ask myself if I'd be willing to allow the Lord to bring patience and rest while waiting as they did.
Ending thoughts: "Everyone should follow this principle." Although I didn't agree with every basis of Elisabeth and Jim's relationship, they set a very high example that many couples are not willing to follow.
What I loved especially about this book is how she talked about singleness and contentment where God has us. It is easy to believe that marriage will make us "more fulfilled", but in all honesty it is God that should give that fulfillment no matter if we are married or single. This book also made me frustrated with how so many couples are rushed and unwilling to wait. But Elisabeth and Jim's love reveals that you can love each other completely and passionately and still wait.
It's possible with God.
Note:
-I would recommend this book for older teens and up as there are references to the intimate part of marriage, and in a couple of Jim's letters he is very open with these desires.
-There were many references (NEB) from another version that was distracting, especially because they weren't marked as another version and I had a hard time figuring out if it was the authors interpretation of the verse or actually another version. That's why I took off a half of star.
First thoughts: "Why haven't I read this book before now?" But then it dawned on me that I needed it NOW...it would not have had the same effect a few years ago.
Mid-way thoughts: "Honestly, no one can love like that." But then I realized that it is the pure kind of love and passion God expects of us.
Three-fourth thoughts: "Jim, just marry her for goodness sake!" I was really getting impatiant for them to get married, but then I had to ask myself if I'd be willing to allow the Lord to bring patience and rest while waiting as they did.
Ending thoughts: "Everyone should follow this principle." Although I didn't agree with every basis of Elisabeth and Jim's relationship, they set a very high example that many couples are not willing to follow.
What I loved especially about this book is how she talked about singleness and contentment where God has us. It is easy to believe that marriage will make us "more fulfilled", but in all honesty it is God that should give that fulfillment no matter if we are married or single. This book also made me frustrated with how so many couples are rushed and unwilling to wait. But Elisabeth and Jim's love reveals that you can love each other completely and passionately and still wait.
It's possible with God.
Note:
-I would recommend this book for older teens and up as there are references to the intimate part of marriage, and in a couple of Jim's letters he is very open with these desires.
-There were many references (NEB) from another version that was distracting, especially because they weren't marked as another version and I had a hard time figuring out if it was the authors interpretation of the verse or actually another version. That's why I took off a half of star.
July 29, 2011
I was between twelve and fourteen when I read this book with my older sister. At the time, I found it to contain far too much passion and not enough purity. Today, all I can remember are stories about them sitting as close as possible together, etc. (before they decided not to do that anymore) and quotes from his letters to her that I found very disturbing at the time. He talked about how much he longed for her physically and that was the only side I could see to their relationship. When they got married, it was only a relief that they didn't have to control themselves any longer, rather than a joy to see the two united in the service of God. Because of this and other things, I couldn't even understand why Elisabeth wanted to marry Jim at all, or how he ended up being such a man of God.
Looking back, I think it is likely that, in my innocence, I was so shocked by the physical side of their relationship, that I missed out on the many gems of truth and purity Elisabeth doubtless had written.
Looking back, I think it is likely that, in my innocence, I was so shocked by the physical side of their relationship, that I missed out on the many gems of truth and purity Elisabeth doubtless had written.
October 9, 2018
This book was recommended to me by a friend, so I read it out of politeness. Good gracious, I wish I had just refused. Elisabeth essentially shames an unmarried pregnant woman at one point, recounting how an acquaintance of hers called this woman unmarriageable. She also advises a woman who is with someone that she isn't attracted to to just stay with him anyway, because she is God's gift to him and in the end her happiness doesn't matter, only this guy's happiness is important. Right Elisabeth, right. This book was terribly old fashioned, rooted in misogyny, and I was SO not impressed.
March 26, 2013
I have to say that this is the second most influential and beneficial book I have read (after the Bible). Not only is Mrs. Elliot an extraordinary writer she has the amazing gift of wrapping a story inside of a group of ideas that once discovered seem so natural and plain.
While reading this book, I was overwhelmed emotionally. Many times I was crying, at other times celebrating. But ultimately I was taken aback by such a wonderful story of two young people who so relied on the Lord that they were willing to put their desires and wants to the side for the glory of God.
While reading I realized that what they did in their love life is truly what I want. To glorify God not matter what the personal cost is. It will probably involve heartache and longing, just as theirs did, but I believe the Lord honors it.
When the two were finally together I was filled with great joy and saw just as they did that true satisfaction comes in the Lord and on waiting for his timing in our lives.
I pray that we do not sell ourselves short for temporal pleasures, but seek the Lord in waiting for a Godly mate and the correct timing to consummate our relationship
While reading this book, I was overwhelmed emotionally. Many times I was crying, at other times celebrating. But ultimately I was taken aback by such a wonderful story of two young people who so relied on the Lord that they were willing to put their desires and wants to the side for the glory of God.
While reading I realized that what they did in their love life is truly what I want. To glorify God not matter what the personal cost is. It will probably involve heartache and longing, just as theirs did, but I believe the Lord honors it.
When the two were finally together I was filled with great joy and saw just as they did that true satisfaction comes in the Lord and on waiting for his timing in our lives.
I pray that we do not sell ourselves short for temporal pleasures, but seek the Lord in waiting for a Godly mate and the correct timing to consummate our relationship
June 16, 2015
This is my impression of Elisabeth Elliot. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?! Eh? Eh?"
Well Ees, 1. I'm not a cow, and 2. there is a world (unlike one that you could possibly conceive of) in which human relationships can't be boiled down to crass economic metaphors!
Well Ees, 1. I'm not a cow, and 2. there is a world (unlike one that you could possibly conceive of) in which human relationships can't be boiled down to crass economic metaphors!
June 30, 2012
I read this about a year and a half ago. After looking at the subtitle, I was like, "Ummm… is this for me? I don't have a love life, but I guess one day I will so I guess it won't hurt to read it." Since I've never dated and have high standards for myself and my future husband, I thought this book would not convict me, but I was wrong. So much of this book can be applied to every area of life. "Do I love God more than anything and everyone? Would I be willing to give up someone I love for the will of God? Am I willing to be single for the rest of my life knowing that my satisfaction comes from God alone?" These are the questions I feel define that book and challenge me. It's easy to say I love God more than anything and that I'd give up everything/one for Him, but they're just words until you see what that really means.
March 12, 2012
Somewhat hard to read, nevertheless interesting. I agree with 100% of everything she says and if everyone took her advice, society would be much much more stable. It seems like the best idea in the world to never tell a girl 'I love you' unless you're next few words are 'Will you marry me?'
I think this is what my situation will be like...unless I join a monastery first.
The book really makes you realize how valuable chastity is. I saw the Hope Diamond on display the day after I bought this book. It is insured for $250 million dollars and I could not help but think that a girl that is still a virgin when she gets married is worth infinately more than the shiny blue typeII B diamond at the Smithsonian.
I think this is what my situation will be like...unless I join a monastery first.
The book really makes you realize how valuable chastity is. I saw the Hope Diamond on display the day after I bought this book. It is insured for $250 million dollars and I could not help but think that a girl that is still a virgin when she gets married is worth infinately more than the shiny blue typeII B diamond at the Smithsonian.
August 8, 2022
Every young woman should read this book before dating 🥰
July 25, 2016
I originally picked up this book because I thought it would have something to say on how to deal with sexual temptation. While the overall content of the book turned out differently than I expected, I found that I still learned a lot from Elisabeth Elliot's story on how to live the Christian life.
Pros
- The book was very inspiring on living a life completely devoted to God. I admired how Jim and Elisabeth placed their desire to fulfill the mission of the church above everything else - it's what directed their relationship. I had moments where I felt like I was squirming at my own shallowness in my faith. Overall, this book has a lot you can glean about how to live the Christian life.
- I appreciated a lot of her direct, no-nonsense relationship advice. Advice about relationships where women initiate, how to handle loneliness and how to have purity in relationships.
Cons
- I disagreed with some of the ways that Jim chose to do their courtship. In the book, Elliot talks about how unless a man asks a woman to marry him, she should not see herself as belonging exclusively to him. However, they were basically courting each other without ever having defined that this is what they were doing. I think this probably made their courtship much more difficult than it needed to be. She also talks a lot about loneliness, and the letters they wrote to each other describing their loneliness. Maybe they would have been less lonely if they had kept these feelings to themselves.
- The part that shocked me the most was the letters that Jim wrote her after they were engaged talking about how much he was looking forward to the wedding night, and what things he was looking forward to. To me, that seemed like it was stirring up passions and feelings in them that they had spent their whole courtship trying to be pure about. Maybe she included some of these stories so that the readers could learn from their example about what not to do.
- Sometimes I found the writing style a little hard to read, and to be honest, I ended up skimming some of Jim's letters. I'm not a poetic person though, so I had a hard time getting into them.
- As someone not in a relationship, it was hard to relate to some of the advice she gave, but that could be different for someone in a relationship.
Pros
- The book was very inspiring on living a life completely devoted to God. I admired how Jim and Elisabeth placed their desire to fulfill the mission of the church above everything else - it's what directed their relationship. I had moments where I felt like I was squirming at my own shallowness in my faith. Overall, this book has a lot you can glean about how to live the Christian life.
- I appreciated a lot of her direct, no-nonsense relationship advice. Advice about relationships where women initiate, how to handle loneliness and how to have purity in relationships.
Cons
- I disagreed with some of the ways that Jim chose to do their courtship. In the book, Elliot talks about how unless a man asks a woman to marry him, she should not see herself as belonging exclusively to him. However, they were basically courting each other without ever having defined that this is what they were doing. I think this probably made their courtship much more difficult than it needed to be. She also talks a lot about loneliness, and the letters they wrote to each other describing their loneliness. Maybe they would have been less lonely if they had kept these feelings to themselves.
- The part that shocked me the most was the letters that Jim wrote her after they were engaged talking about how much he was looking forward to the wedding night, and what things he was looking forward to. To me, that seemed like it was stirring up passions and feelings in them that they had spent their whole courtship trying to be pure about. Maybe she included some of these stories so that the readers could learn from their example about what not to do.
- Sometimes I found the writing style a little hard to read, and to be honest, I ended up skimming some of Jim's letters. I'm not a poetic person though, so I had a hard time getting into them.
- As someone not in a relationship, it was hard to relate to some of the advice she gave, but that could be different for someone in a relationship.
March 7, 2023
oh stars, this book...... wow. when my mom recommended this to me, i wasn't sure what to expect. after all, purity related books tend to be a bit *cough* out of touch with "today's youth" i feel like an old lady saying that XDDD but this- this surprised me.
there were some things that hadn't aged well, but honestly, for a book from the 80s, this was really good. i'd recommend it to any teenager/young adult looking to surrender their love life to God <3
there were some things that hadn't aged well, but honestly, for a book from the 80s, this was really good. i'd recommend it to any teenager/young adult looking to surrender their love life to God <3
February 4, 2016
I may upset a few Elliot fans here, but I actually didn't like Jim at first. It seemed to me as if he led Elisabeth on, and that upset me because I would much rather courtship be initiated by the interested gentleman when both parties are ready to pursue marriage. But the Elliots' commitment to Christ, purity, and the good of the other--though imperfect as all are--is inspiring.
December 24, 2021
today I'm rating this book from a very subjective viewpoint—a how-helpful-was-this-book-for-me-at-my-present-stage-in-life viewpoint and the answer is, eh, it was okay. in summary, I've read a lot of Elisabeth Elliot since I was a kid—and I've read a lot of Christian works since I was a kid as well, so this book didn't really bring anything new to my table, whether that be in regards to the "elisabeth elliot story" or the "how you should date" advice collection. she had a lot of good principles, like being pure (DUH, that's what the book is about) and putting God first in everything. honestly... in the first few pages she says that bluntly put, this book is about virginity. I was disappointed. for some reason I thought it would be more interesting.
so my main likes are:
—I'm biased for writing by Elisabeth Elliot, it's like the voice of an old friend cos I've read her stuff so much;
—love how much poetry and other Christian writers she always quotes gaaaahhhhh I swear, as a kid, reading all this poetry in Elliot books is like 50% the reason I love poetry the way I do;
—generally solid advice about purity and self control and seeking God and all that!!
—and I just generally like the tone of her writing,,, there's a lot of kindness but also strength of belief and firmness and just plain straightforwardness which I like! whether or not I agreed with everything she said ((like how she seemed to think all the modern changes were bad... uhh,,, I'm very happy to be born a woman in the 21st century rather than any century prior, thank u!! not that I find the present a superior time compared to the past, but I'm just grateful, ok :'())
—very intellectually stimulating for me, whether or not practical for my present life situation haha
now here's the interesting part,,, a fellow blogger, Olivia, once wrote this beautiful and scathing review of old purity books so I was SUPER PUMPED to read elliot's book in the light of her thoughts. and then I read up on a bunch of one star reviews here on Goodreads which... were very logical and thoughtful for one star reviews, I was so impressed. and I've got to say, their points and concerns were quite understandable and logical. for a balanced view on this book, do read both the five star reviews AND the one star ones! I benefitted greatly from doing that. and after giving things some thought, I have to say that I agree with some of the aforementioned one-star review reviewers cons. I'll puzzle them out below. be warned. it gets lengthy and has a lot of question marks. if you came for a coherent review, it is not found below. you may stop reading at this point. but, just cos it's nice to get the thoughts out—
—I wish she'd also included the stories of how she met and married her second and third husbands! she said just the Jim Elliot story would suffice, but I don't know,,, she said that he himself probably wouldn't have recommended others to make a model out of his experience. but here we are—and it's basically a model in the book? maybe she meant it just and only as a "we stayed pure while being very passionate people" example, but the book's about so much and the story is such a big part of it that it's hard not to read it as a model in general. many people pointed out how their story seemed somewhat contradictory to her own advice/not a model that people should follow ((even ppl around them at the time advised them against how they were doing things??)), so that's a reason why I think it would have been great to include the stories of her other two husbands too! to show several different lenses!! also cos her audience seems to be not just young, colleg-aged women who want to go to the mission field and are not sure if they should go single or married. the three different stories could really have been good!
—some people complained about Elisabeth's views on "women shouldn't initiate" and yeah, I have questions. first of all, maybe it's cos I'm born in the modern age of the 21st century, but I just don't get how "initiating" is such a huge part of masculinity or why on earth it's so upside down for a woman to express her interest in a guy first. to be honest, it doesn't drive me up the wall like some people (while I can understand why others could be triggered) because whether it's this way or that way it doesn't make that much difference to my life. but I just. don't. understand. I grew up thinking that overall, generally men tend to express interest first/propose (or at least, all the films seemed to suggest it) ((and when I was a kid and knew nothing I was like, THANK THE HEAVENS why would I want to put myself in that awkward position)) but I never thought it was like a RULE and a MUST and a VERY VERY IMPORTANT TRADITION THAT U SHOULD NEVER UPSET. I guess she expected people should /get it/ but I don't, oops.
—and I am not really convinced by her arguments either? first of all, not sure how the creation story = men should initiate things and women should respond. Adam didn't intiate anything??? God did all the initiating??? and how was Adam supposed to "protect and provide" for Eve when there was no evil on earth yet and as far as I know the lion was a friend of the lamb ((I guess that part is debatable, but I'm guessing that animal killing wasn't a thing in Eden)) and he didn't have to eat bread by the sweat of his face because the fruits were all growing in the garden provided by God for them to eat freely????? furthermore, Eve was specifically sent as "a help"—I think, since the previous paragraph was about taking care of the garden, it means she was supposed to help him take care of it. are you saying all this time Eve was just walking around enjoying looking at the flowers while Adam did the work and he brought her fruits to eat and therefore, it was wrong of her to think of taking the (forbidden) fruit and bringing it to her husband because he was the one who should have been bringing her fruits!?! how's that helping? I have just confused myself by this long paragraph of confusion, so I will move on........ ((edit: jsyk, I'm not discussing or arguing against husbands being the heads of the household or anything of that sort rn, I'm just saying I don't see the Bible saying women can't initiate a relationship))
—also her example story of a-woman-who-initiated-who-shouldn't-have was a bit of a flimsy example because that woman didn't just initiate. she badgered. it was more like desperate begging and pestering. you're trying to say that a man can call me every other day to try to aNNoY mE inTo a reLAtioNshIP? no right?? OF COURSE A WOMAN SHOULDN'T DO THAT. NO ONE SHOULD, nevermind whether you're a man or woman. or are you saying women don't have the dignity to do it the right way, with their head on their shoulders and acting respectful of other people's feelings and space?? we mOST cerTAInlY dO. in any case, her examples weren't exactly convincing in regards to what should and shouldn't be done.
—some people expressed concern over how she didn't seem to hold men up to the same standard she was holding women up to and there were several instances where I was like "????" as well. for example, at a certain point she mentions how Jim kissed other girls while she was elsewhere. I felt like she should have said more about that ??? she doesn't tell us the circumstances or the nature of the kisses, so I guess we're left to our imagination?? and sure, he repented. and sure, everyone makes mistakes. but explaining it as ~ he didn't take it seriously cos those girls didn't mean anything to him ~ and ~ he was a man. men are sinners ~ is a bit of a gloss over. never mind for the moment that he'd declared his love for her and if he's kissing other ppl at the same time that could be called into question... but if he isn't interested in the other girls he shouldn't be misleading them like this?! ((and I hope she meant "man" as synonymous with humanity, cos saying, you can't expect any more with "men" as in "males" is ... problematic.)) and the chapter about what men want in women... I guess everyone has their type and there are certain qualities that a person is looking for in a prospective spouse... but why would you subject half the human race to your personal preferences?! and to ask what a guy wants to see in a girl in an ordinary social interaction/what would make her attractive and then to use that as some sort of criteria that women should live up to... maYBE I'm jUSt a mODeRn 21st CEntURy wOMaN but I certainly am not going to behave or try to be something to please the majority of the male half of the species whom I don't even know!!! I'm going be the sort of person and character that a) God asks, b) people in my life help shape me into, c) is good and respectable and decent and inspiring in a person according to our present social norms.
*deep breath* sorry for being so emphatic. I promise you I feel no ill towards the author whatsoever, and I don't even hate the book. it's weird case where I feel like both the 5 star reviews and 1 star reviews are both right (go read some of them before/after you read the book!). therefore, the 3 star review. I like Elisabeth Elliot. The book had good principles. But I feel like I didn't learn anything new, although my brain was very jogged and I had good conversations with friends about it. And,,, I'm apparently a modern woman who doesn't understand this initation business.
so my main likes are:
—I'm biased for writing by Elisabeth Elliot, it's like the voice of an old friend cos I've read her stuff so much;
—love how much poetry and other Christian writers she always quotes gaaaahhhhh I swear, as a kid, reading all this poetry in Elliot books is like 50% the reason I love poetry the way I do;
—generally solid advice about purity and self control and seeking God and all that!!
—and I just generally like the tone of her writing,,, there's a lot of kindness but also strength of belief and firmness and just plain straightforwardness which I like! whether or not I agreed with everything she said ((like how she seemed to think all the modern changes were bad... uhh,,, I'm very happy to be born a woman in the 21st century rather than any century prior, thank u!! not that I find the present a superior time compared to the past, but I'm just grateful, ok :'())
—very intellectually stimulating for me, whether or not practical for my present life situation haha
now here's the interesting part,,, a fellow blogger, Olivia, once wrote this beautiful and scathing review of old purity books so I was SUPER PUMPED to read elliot's book in the light of her thoughts. and then I read up on a bunch of one star reviews here on Goodreads which... were very logical and thoughtful for one star reviews, I was so impressed. and I've got to say, their points and concerns were quite understandable and logical. for a balanced view on this book, do read both the five star reviews AND the one star ones! I benefitted greatly from doing that. and after giving things some thought, I have to say that I agree with some of the aforementioned one-star review reviewers cons. I'll puzzle them out below. be warned. it gets lengthy and has a lot of question marks. if you came for a coherent review, it is not found below. you may stop reading at this point. but, just cos it's nice to get the thoughts out—
—I wish she'd also included the stories of how she met and married her second and third husbands! she said just the Jim Elliot story would suffice, but I don't know,,, she said that he himself probably wouldn't have recommended others to make a model out of his experience. but here we are—and it's basically a model in the book? maybe she meant it just and only as a "we stayed pure while being very passionate people" example, but the book's about so much and the story is such a big part of it that it's hard not to read it as a model in general. many people pointed out how their story seemed somewhat contradictory to her own advice/not a model that people should follow ((even ppl around them at the time advised them against how they were doing things??)), so that's a reason why I think it would have been great to include the stories of her other two husbands too! to show several different lenses!! also cos her audience seems to be not just young, colleg-aged women who want to go to the mission field and are not sure if they should go single or married. the three different stories could really have been good!
—some people complained about Elisabeth's views on "women shouldn't initiate" and yeah, I have questions. first of all, maybe it's cos I'm born in the modern age of the 21st century, but I just don't get how "initiating" is such a huge part of masculinity or why on earth it's so upside down for a woman to express her interest in a guy first. to be honest, it doesn't drive me up the wall like some people (while I can understand why others could be triggered) because whether it's this way or that way it doesn't make that much difference to my life. but I just. don't. understand. I grew up thinking that overall, generally men tend to express interest first/propose (or at least, all the films seemed to suggest it) ((and when I was a kid and knew nothing I was like, THANK THE HEAVENS why would I want to put myself in that awkward position)) but I never thought it was like a RULE and a MUST and a VERY VERY IMPORTANT TRADITION THAT U SHOULD NEVER UPSET. I guess she expected people should /get it/ but I don't, oops.
—and I am not really convinced by her arguments either? first of all, not sure how the creation story = men should initiate things and women should respond. Adam didn't intiate anything??? God did all the initiating??? and how was Adam supposed to "protect and provide" for Eve when there was no evil on earth yet and as far as I know the lion was a friend of the lamb ((I guess that part is debatable, but I'm guessing that animal killing wasn't a thing in Eden)) and he didn't have to eat bread by the sweat of his face because the fruits were all growing in the garden provided by God for them to eat freely????? furthermore, Eve was specifically sent as "a help"—I think, since the previous paragraph was about taking care of the garden, it means she was supposed to help him take care of it. are you saying all this time Eve was just walking around enjoying looking at the flowers while Adam did the work and he brought her fruits to eat and therefore, it was wrong of her to think of taking the (forbidden) fruit and bringing it to her husband because he was the one who should have been bringing her fruits!?! how's that helping? I have just confused myself by this long paragraph of confusion, so I will move on........ ((edit: jsyk, I'm not discussing or arguing against husbands being the heads of the household or anything of that sort rn, I'm just saying I don't see the Bible saying women can't initiate a relationship))
—also her example story of a-woman-who-initiated-who-shouldn't-have was a bit of a flimsy example because that woman didn't just initiate. she badgered. it was more like desperate begging and pestering. you're trying to say that a man can call me every other day to try to aNNoY mE inTo a reLAtioNshIP? no right?? OF COURSE A WOMAN SHOULDN'T DO THAT. NO ONE SHOULD, nevermind whether you're a man or woman. or are you saying women don't have the dignity to do it the right way, with their head on their shoulders and acting respectful of other people's feelings and space?? we mOST cerTAInlY dO. in any case, her examples weren't exactly convincing in regards to what should and shouldn't be done.
—some people expressed concern over how she didn't seem to hold men up to the same standard she was holding women up to and there were several instances where I was like "????" as well. for example, at a certain point she mentions how Jim kissed other girls while she was elsewhere. I felt like she should have said more about that ??? she doesn't tell us the circumstances or the nature of the kisses, so I guess we're left to our imagination?? and sure, he repented. and sure, everyone makes mistakes. but explaining it as ~ he didn't take it seriously cos those girls didn't mean anything to him ~ and ~ he was a man. men are sinners ~ is a bit of a gloss over. never mind for the moment that he'd declared his love for her and if he's kissing other ppl at the same time that could be called into question... but if he isn't interested in the other girls he shouldn't be misleading them like this?! ((and I hope she meant "man" as synonymous with humanity, cos saying, you can't expect any more with "men" as in "males" is ... problematic.)) and the chapter about what men want in women... I guess everyone has their type and there are certain qualities that a person is looking for in a prospective spouse... but why would you subject half the human race to your personal preferences?! and to ask what a guy wants to see in a girl in an ordinary social interaction/what would make her attractive and then to use that as some sort of criteria that women should live up to... maYBE I'm jUSt a mODeRn 21st CEntURy wOMaN but I certainly am not going to behave or try to be something to please the majority of the male half of the species whom I don't even know!!! I'm going be the sort of person and character that a) God asks, b) people in my life help shape me into, c) is good and respectable and decent and inspiring in a person according to our present social norms.
*deep breath* sorry for being so emphatic. I promise you I feel no ill towards the author whatsoever, and I don't even hate the book. it's weird case where I feel like both the 5 star reviews and 1 star reviews are both right (go read some of them before/after you read the book!). therefore, the 3 star review. I like Elisabeth Elliot. The book had good principles. But I feel like I didn't learn anything new, although my brain was very jogged and I had good conversations with friends about it. And,,, I'm apparently a modern woman who doesn't understand this initation business.
February 2, 2021
I rarely give books 5 stars but this one was so enjoyable and thought provoking that I feel like I have to! I was so fascinated learning of Elizabeth and Jim Elliots rocky “courtship.” I think it shows that not all relationships look the same and God has His ways of bringing people together.
I definitely don’t agree with a lot of the theology in here and there is some practical advice that Elizabeth gives that I wouldn’t follow. But overall this was a very encouraging book.
I definitely don’t agree with a lot of the theology in here and there is some practical advice that Elizabeth gives that I wouldn’t follow. But overall this was a very encouraging book.
July 13, 2020
So full disclosure: I only read this because Charles Marsh (the man responsible for the good recent biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer ) shared an Interfaith Now article on Twitter titled "The 'Purity' Hoax", which questioned whether or not Jim & Elisabeth Elliot's love story really played out the way Elisabeth presented it in Passion and Purity. It's a provocative accusation, and I wanted to hear Elisabeth's side before I came to a conclusion.
And I think I have come to a conclusion. Even without any of the outside sources the Interfaith Now article cites (primarily Jim Elliot's journals and the couple's letters), this love story feels very off, and not at all something that should be idealized. Jim's admission of love to Elisabeth in college is followed by five years of spiritualized on-again, off-again indecision that, in a different context, I would call immature and even (at times) emotionally abusive. But, because they DO end up married in the end, she's able to frame those five years of her anxiously waiting for him to decide whether or not it was "God's will" for them to together as a virtuous time of waiting instead of an unwillingness to commit. (It'd be a different story if Jim stuck to his original and repeatedly stated goal of celibate mission work after five years of leading Elisabeth on.)
Of course, there's more to the book than just the questionable love story that legitimizes it – there's a mix of sound and significantly less-than-sound teaching on gender, sex, and singleness. This isn't the place to dive into a critique of evangelical purity culture; the one star I gave it is sufficient to say I thought the questionable and harmful outweighed the sound and helpful.
What's most ironic, though, about the article (which you can read for yourself here) is that the Jim Elliot it describes as complicated, confused, and (though this will be contentious) possibly queer young Christian trying to figure things out is so much more compelling and sympathetic and human than the saintly martyr Jim Elliot I've heard about my whole life. And similarly, while I recognize Elisabeth bears responsibility for how she's presented her relationship with Jim and for what's she's taught, the picture of her as a lonely girl in love with a boy who refuses to commit or to cut her loose is tragic and sympathetic in its own way. I hope both of their stories get told truly and fairly someday.
And I think I have come to a conclusion. Even without any of the outside sources the Interfaith Now article cites (primarily Jim Elliot's journals and the couple's letters), this love story feels very off, and not at all something that should be idealized. Jim's admission of love to Elisabeth in college is followed by five years of spiritualized on-again, off-again indecision that, in a different context, I would call immature and even (at times) emotionally abusive. But, because they DO end up married in the end, she's able to frame those five years of her anxiously waiting for him to decide whether or not it was "God's will" for them to together as a virtuous time of waiting instead of an unwillingness to commit. (It'd be a different story if Jim stuck to his original and repeatedly stated goal of celibate mission work after five years of leading Elisabeth on.)
Of course, there's more to the book than just the questionable love story that legitimizes it – there's a mix of sound and significantly less-than-sound teaching on gender, sex, and singleness. This isn't the place to dive into a critique of evangelical purity culture; the one star I gave it is sufficient to say I thought the questionable and harmful outweighed the sound and helpful.
What's most ironic, though, about the article (which you can read for yourself here) is that the Jim Elliot it describes as complicated, confused, and (though this will be contentious) possibly queer young Christian trying to figure things out is so much more compelling and sympathetic and human than the saintly martyr Jim Elliot I've heard about my whole life. And similarly, while I recognize Elisabeth bears responsibility for how she's presented her relationship with Jim and for what's she's taught, the picture of her as a lonely girl in love with a boy who refuses to commit or to cut her loose is tragic and sympathetic in its own way. I hope both of their stories get told truly and fairly someday.
April 19, 2022
Uma abordagem "nua e crua". Ela trás a vida para "pés no chão", sem tirar a "cabeça nas nuvens"(no sentido de ter a cabeça nos céus).
Faz com que olhemos para a vida aqui, de forma real, e tudo isso tendo do céu a orientação.
Faz com que olhemos para a vida aqui, de forma real, e tudo isso tendo do céu a orientação.
June 13, 2020
I really enjoyed this book, but I did find certain aspects of it a bit frustrating, mostly the approach Jim Elliot had to dating. It was frustrating to watch how he continuously strung Elizabeth along even though he had no intentions of ever marrying her because he was convinced he was supposed to be single. But then he kisses other women? I think I was confused because many people tout this book to be an inspiring, romantic love story, but I didn't find much about their relationship as something I would aspire to, besides their commitment to the Lord and to purity. That being said, I still enjoyed this book. I find Elizabeth's response of humility, patience, forgiveness, and commitment to purity very inspiring. Overall, I liked this book and would still recommend it to friends with the preface to read it for Elizabeth, not so much their relationship.
July 21, 2023
This book isn't exactly applicable to someone married for seven years, but it's a goal of mine to read all of Elliot's published work. That being said, there is quite a book of overlap in her books regarding her relationship with Jim Elliot. However, this is still an excellent, Scripture filled book that I'd highly recommend to single women desiring marriage.
March 2, 2024
Terribly sorry to the c@se freshmen that wanted me to read this book…I simply couldn’t get through it.
Also hate to say that Jim was absolutely ticking me off with how he handled “pursuing” Elizabeth. It would be in my guidebook on “how not to treat women that you’re into” for my hypothetical sons. Not a fan. DNF
Also hate to say that Jim was absolutely ticking me off with how he handled “pursuing” Elizabeth. It would be in my guidebook on “how not to treat women that you’re into” for my hypothetical sons. Not a fan. DNF
May 1, 2011
It has been awhile since I have read a "purity" book. I was excited to read it after hearing great things from a friend. I had heard of Jim Elliot before and seen the movie End of the Spear, but I didn't know that his wife, Elisabeth Elliot, has left quite a legacy of her own, through writing over twenty-five books! Although Jim died over fifty years ago, he lives on in the writings of Elisabeth.
Elisabeth Elliot writes an atypical work compared to other Christian purity literature. Many of today's works (I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Sex is not the Problem [Lust is], Porn Again Christian, and Every Young Man's Battle) tend to follow the same format as they systematically address various issues of purity while planting seeds of truth through the exposition of Scripture. Although Elliot's book does cover various topic pertaining to purity, they are creatively woven into the five-and-a-half year narrative of the love story between her and Jim.
This book is difficult to summarize, but fortunately, Elliot outlines it for us in the preface:
1947--both of us students at Wheaton College, Illinois. He visits our home in New Jersey at Christmas.
1948--Jim confesses his love for me just before I graduate. Summer, I in Oklahoma, he traveling with a gospel team. No correspondence between us. Fall, his decision to begin to write to me when I go to Canada to Bible school.
1949--Jim graduates, goes home to Portland, Oregon. I work in Alberta, then visit his home.
1950--Jim at home, working, studying, preparing for missionary work. I in Florida. We spend two days in Wheaton when my brother Dave is married.
1951--We meet again when Jim comes east to speak in missionary meetings in New York and New Jersey.
1952--February, Jim sails for Ecuador. April, I sail for Ecuador. Spend several months in Quito, living with Ecuadorian families to learn Spanish by "immersion." August, Jim moves to Shandia in the eastern jungle to work with Quichua Indians. September, I move to San Miguel in the western jungle to work with Colorado Indians.
1953--January, me meet in Quito, Jim asks me to marry him. Engagement announced. June, I move to Dos Rios, eastern jungle, to start study of Quichua, fulfilling the condition of his proposal, "I won't marry you till you learn it." Octorber 8, married in Quito.
This is not the course that most college romances take. This is obviously not a specific direction that all should follow, but the theme is clearly seen in Elisabeth's writing that both her and Jim waited on God's timing. As a woman, Elisabeth believed that the man should pursue marriage with the woman, so she patiently waited in prayer. During the many stretches of separation, God prepared them both for marriage.
So much can be taken out of these 191 pages! Here are a few key take-aways:
1. Guys, be a man. Jim Elliot was a man. Elisabeth paints a wonderful portrait of a young man pursuing a woman. Jim Elliot was secure in his identity in Jesus. He was dependent on God for all direction, no matter the cost. He feasted on God's Word (The Bible) daily. He was not perfect by any means, but he tried to guard his heart and Elisabeth's as best he could.
2. Girls, be a woman. Elisabeth never pursued Jim. It was painful at times, but she found rest in God and grew so much in her long season of singleness. She found security and comfort in Christ. This book definitely reads more into the heart of Elisabeth, and I recommend it to all ladies. Guard your heart. Guard you heart. It's precious, make a man (like a Jim Elliot) fight for the beauty inside you.
3. Guard your heart. This is much harder with the various technologies of today. With Facebook, Twitter, cell phones, texting, e-mail, and whatever is next, constant communication is entirely possible (and easy). Elisabeth really only wrote letters to Jim, with a few phone calls, and they spoke in person. Although all this technology is amazing and useful, it can be very dangerous. Often times unhealthy bonds are built too early in relationships because a couple (or even friends) will text ALL THE TIME. That is not only unnecessary, but dangerous. Please think twice before you dive into a pattern of constant communication via texts, Facebook, etc. It will drain you in every way; I know from experience.
Girls, find an "Elizabeth" in your life that you can submit to and learn from. Maybe it's a mom or grandmother. Guys, find a "Jim". Submit, serve, and learn. My prayer is that we may all seek God and follow His sovereign direction. Most of us will marry, so let us guard our hearts, that we may give ourselves fully in marriage, just as Christ has given us His life and we Christians are called to love Christ with our lives.
Elisabeth Elliot writes an atypical work compared to other Christian purity literature. Many of today's works (I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Sex is not the Problem [Lust is], Porn Again Christian, and Every Young Man's Battle) tend to follow the same format as they systematically address various issues of purity while planting seeds of truth through the exposition of Scripture. Although Elliot's book does cover various topic pertaining to purity, they are creatively woven into the five-and-a-half year narrative of the love story between her and Jim.
This book is difficult to summarize, but fortunately, Elliot outlines it for us in the preface:
1947--both of us students at Wheaton College, Illinois. He visits our home in New Jersey at Christmas.
1948--Jim confesses his love for me just before I graduate. Summer, I in Oklahoma, he traveling with a gospel team. No correspondence between us. Fall, his decision to begin to write to me when I go to Canada to Bible school.
1949--Jim graduates, goes home to Portland, Oregon. I work in Alberta, then visit his home.
1950--Jim at home, working, studying, preparing for missionary work. I in Florida. We spend two days in Wheaton when my brother Dave is married.
1951--We meet again when Jim comes east to speak in missionary meetings in New York and New Jersey.
1952--February, Jim sails for Ecuador. April, I sail for Ecuador. Spend several months in Quito, living with Ecuadorian families to learn Spanish by "immersion." August, Jim moves to Shandia in the eastern jungle to work with Quichua Indians. September, I move to San Miguel in the western jungle to work with Colorado Indians.
1953--January, me meet in Quito, Jim asks me to marry him. Engagement announced. June, I move to Dos Rios, eastern jungle, to start study of Quichua, fulfilling the condition of his proposal, "I won't marry you till you learn it." Octorber 8, married in Quito.
This is not the course that most college romances take. This is obviously not a specific direction that all should follow, but the theme is clearly seen in Elisabeth's writing that both her and Jim waited on God's timing. As a woman, Elisabeth believed that the man should pursue marriage with the woman, so she patiently waited in prayer. During the many stretches of separation, God prepared them both for marriage.
So much can be taken out of these 191 pages! Here are a few key take-aways:
1. Guys, be a man. Jim Elliot was a man. Elisabeth paints a wonderful portrait of a young man pursuing a woman. Jim Elliot was secure in his identity in Jesus. He was dependent on God for all direction, no matter the cost. He feasted on God's Word (The Bible) daily. He was not perfect by any means, but he tried to guard his heart and Elisabeth's as best he could.
2. Girls, be a woman. Elisabeth never pursued Jim. It was painful at times, but she found rest in God and grew so much in her long season of singleness. She found security and comfort in Christ. This book definitely reads more into the heart of Elisabeth, and I recommend it to all ladies. Guard your heart. Guard you heart. It's precious, make a man (like a Jim Elliot) fight for the beauty inside you.
3. Guard your heart. This is much harder with the various technologies of today. With Facebook, Twitter, cell phones, texting, e-mail, and whatever is next, constant communication is entirely possible (and easy). Elisabeth really only wrote letters to Jim, with a few phone calls, and they spoke in person. Although all this technology is amazing and useful, it can be very dangerous. Often times unhealthy bonds are built too early in relationships because a couple (or even friends) will text ALL THE TIME. That is not only unnecessary, but dangerous. Please think twice before you dive into a pattern of constant communication via texts, Facebook, etc. It will drain you in every way; I know from experience.
Girls, find an "Elizabeth" in your life that you can submit to and learn from. Maybe it's a mom or grandmother. Guys, find a "Jim". Submit, serve, and learn. My prayer is that we may all seek God and follow His sovereign direction. Most of us will marry, so let us guard our hearts, that we may give ourselves fully in marriage, just as Christ has given us His life and we Christians are called to love Christ with our lives.
March 17, 2023
The love story of Jim & Elisabeth Elliot is truly inspiring, and definitely something we can learn from. Their individual dedication to God above all else was very convicting.
However, I think a lot of people can approach stories like this and be quick to idolize them as an outline of what Christian dating should look like. I personally think we should glean wisdom and principles, but never use someone else’s story as a blueprint. If it isn’t the Bible, it shouldn’t become a blueprint. But there are many Biblical principles she & Jim applied to their relationship, and seeing them played out can be helpful.
There were a few “black & white” statements that Elisabeth made that I didn’t entirely agree with, and that’s okay.
*will finish later*
However, I think a lot of people can approach stories like this and be quick to idolize them as an outline of what Christian dating should look like. I personally think we should glean wisdom and principles, but never use someone else’s story as a blueprint. If it isn’t the Bible, it shouldn’t become a blueprint. But there are many Biblical principles she & Jim applied to their relationship, and seeing them played out can be helpful.
There were a few “black & white” statements that Elisabeth made that I didn’t entirely agree with, and that’s okay.
*will finish later*
January 21, 2015
I recall reading this in jr high/hs.. i was so distracted. it was all theory then. now being married, i have moved from theory to reality and this is resonating with me all the more as a wife. i see how vital submitting to our Lord is. If you resist and struggle to do so prior to marriage, i suggest that you will resist & struggle to submit to your Lord via your husbands leadership within marriage.
I was quite befuddled as i continued to read how Elisabeth and Jim were going about things. More and more i wondered if one of the many letters she would share, described exactly what she and Jim were doing, would she not object-call the writer out, if not caution them at the very least? and then i come to page 154; "Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume that she belongs to him."
:facepalm:
so, it's romantic because they ended up together? yet, at what point otherwise would one have called this unhealthy/leading on/...?!
I was quite befuddled as i continued to read how Elisabeth and Jim were going about things. More and more i wondered if one of the many letters she would share, described exactly what she and Jim were doing, would she not object-call the writer out, if not caution them at the very least? and then i come to page 154; "Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume that she belongs to him."
:facepalm:
so, it's romantic because they ended up together? yet, at what point otherwise would one have called this unhealthy/leading on/...?!
March 22, 2013
Several years ago, a respected friend in the pastorate (my youth pastor when I was a teen), recommended this book to me and told me it was the best book he had read on the love/dating/marriage relationship.
I tucked that tidbit of knowledge in the cranium and jumped at the opportunity to read this book when it came my way. I personally am not familiar with this level of Christianity when it comes to man/woman relationships. She writes of the path/journey with which she & Jim Elliot came to be married. Mrs. Elliot shares her journaling, her diary entries, her longings, her passions, and all of the struggles associated with giving oneself wholly to God and yet keeping oneself wholly pure while in love.
Oh to have such a relationship with Christ that this woman and her future husband (Jim Elliot) had! This book challenged me in regards to my relationship with both Jesus Christ and my spouse. I absolutely loved this book and highly recommend it for anyone seeking a spouse and seeking a deeper relationship with Christ.
I tucked that tidbit of knowledge in the cranium and jumped at the opportunity to read this book when it came my way. I personally am not familiar with this level of Christianity when it comes to man/woman relationships. She writes of the path/journey with which she & Jim Elliot came to be married. Mrs. Elliot shares her journaling, her diary entries, her longings, her passions, and all of the struggles associated with giving oneself wholly to God and yet keeping oneself wholly pure while in love.
Oh to have such a relationship with Christ that this woman and her future husband (Jim Elliot) had! This book challenged me in regards to my relationship with both Jesus Christ and my spouse. I absolutely loved this book and highly recommend it for anyone seeking a spouse and seeking a deeper relationship with Christ.
March 30, 2008
This book had a deep impact on me when I read it in college. Several friends read it and there was a lot of discussion about it. I think the concept of saving as much as possible of the physical relationship for marriage was good...
However, there is something about Elisabeth Elliot that strikes me as very severe. It made me uncomfortable, and this feeling persisted through other books of hers that I read.
I would recommend this book as encouragement to a young person who is on track. However, I would not recommend it for a young person who has made significant mistakes in this area as the standard is incredibly high.
However, there is something about Elisabeth Elliot that strikes me as very severe. It made me uncomfortable, and this feeling persisted through other books of hers that I read.
I would recommend this book as encouragement to a young person who is on track. However, I would not recommend it for a young person who has made significant mistakes in this area as the standard is incredibly high.
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